oh no!

panic! the mac has broken!! and i'm religated to using one of the kids pc's. has a stoopid keyboard that i believe belonged to my mil once before she felt that buy another new computer she didnt know how to use was imperative to her survival and pretending her grandchilden that i mothered dont exisit. still, i'm sure it wont be long before the shit hits the fan and everyone is left wondering wtf happened. i'll blog about it as the walls turn brown, promise ;o)
in other news, i saw my half brother martin this week. told him who is real father is, as our mother has chosen to lie to him again. as i was privvy to this information, i felt it my duty to pass it along. i did tell her that i would if she chose not to. turns out her husband had a *heart attack* that morning (wednesday) but i'm very sceptical, the man is so full of shit it comes out each time he talks.
kids are on weeks hols from school, the spring half term. river has a project to complete, 2 actually as he was doing his "if i ignore it it will go away" bullshit wilson thing and not doing his homework. so he is set 4 hours work a day during the break. it is actually easier to get him to do this work than when he was home educated. mostly because he has direction and motivation, both were lacking with home ed and those around us supporting that way of education. i can now see that autonomous learning is, for the most part, bollox. i really failed my kids by not pushing our lives into a stuctured approach as that is the only way children learn all they need to. i am going to be looking into getting river a tutor to get him up to speed and hopefully repair some of the damage autonomous learning has done.
right i hate this keyboard so i'm off to sainsbos for coffee and organic chickens!!

tagged ....

been tagged by the lovely willow :o)
most of these are fairly clear i think ;o)

1) How would you describe yourself?

dancing in a lesbian bar - jonathan richman

2) What do you like in a bloke?

love junky - nick harper

3) What is your motto?

i'm affected - the ramones

4) What do your friends think of you?

psycho - system of a down/
hard headed woman - cat stevens


5) What do you think about often?

song to the siren - tim buckley

6) What do your parents think of you?

there is no home for you here - white stripes

7) What do you think of your best friend?

pretty fly for a white guy - offspring


8) What do you think of the person you like?

dancing barefoot- patti smith


9) What do you want to be when you grow up?

i want to be a hippy - technohead

10) What do you think when you see the person you like?

an occasional dream - dave bowie


11) What song will they play at your wedding?

march of the mad scientist - jethro tull

12) What will they play at your funeral?

lifes a long song - jethro tull

13) What is your hobby/interest?
even flow -pearl jam


14) What is your biggest fear?

clash with reality - pantera
down with the sickness - disturbed

15) What is your biggest secret?

bad speech - roy harper and jimmy page


16) What do you think of your friends?

pure morning -placebo


17) What is your theme song?

clean - depeche mode
jacky - marc almond


18) What do you think of your family?

i could die for you - red hot chili peppers


19) What is your best friend's theme song?

daysleeper - rem
same jeans - the fray


20) What is your mood right now?

roll your own - jethro tull


21) If your heart could talk what would it say?

anarchy in the uk - the sex pistols


22) What do your co-workers think of you?

psycho - system of a down


23) What does your future look like?
sunday morning - the velvet underground

tagging flame ;op

new babies!!

seems like maud, my beautiful lil kittycat is preggers! she is very sleepy and hungry and growing huge at an alarmly fast rate. just spoke to my mate nic and her cat had her 3 kittens at the weekend, all black and white and fluffy and looking like their mammy :o) cant wait to go visit, get beau into the idea of babycats that cannot be cuddled YET!!
what else?
erm, beau is still loving playgroup. i know she misses the guys (her collective name for her brothers and sisters) when they are at school and even has chase as her invisible friend when she is here alone. how cute is that???? she has settled better than any of the others did, not worrying at all when i say goodbye *sniff* but she is happy and i guess that is what counts.
this bloody hiatus hernia is giving me shit the last few days. getting a bit scared to eat as it seems to be worse when i do, but still uncomfortable when i dont. so going with the eating very little and have lost half a stone in the last couple of weeks, so not knocking it :o) just need to start using some of the exercise equiment i have, bike, cross trainer, mini tram and ab-deck thing. i should have a size 10 toned body, if these things worked by just owning them!! lmao
went to town with edz and beau yesterday, needed to do a lush shop and popped down to next and bhs, got edz some school skirts from bhs and edz a mini skirt, chase a tshirt, river a tshirt and me 2 tops, a skirt and a pair of crop trews. the skirt i saw when it had just come into the shop and pointed it out to paulee, he quickly escorted me out of the shop, but yesterday edz saw it and ran up to me saying "hatty! you HAVE to buy this!!" so i did :o) and it is gorg!! pink and cream with paisley in gold, looks great and i hope that dropping a few more lbs and will look even better!!
gotta get back on the phone to sort rivers 2ndry school. i did leave a message, but havent been rung back, so will chase up again after 2pm as i suspect (being a government office) they will have exetended lunch times ;o)
planning on getting my spinning wheel out of the garage this week, fixing it and washing some of the fleece i have in the shed and start spinning again. also planning on getting some more patterns and making more clothes. i did enjoy it and so did edz, so i should expand on that, should i not?
more washing needs to go on, only the 5th load. or is it the 6th? 6th i think. might mop the floors too. whilst beau is sleeping and not likely to walk on it.
amor mundi

moochy monday

after tearing around trying to get to the field and bea and the pones for 10, i was still late! we havent been to the field for about 18 months and lots had changed, for a start there is a caravan and a very nice one too!! placed in the perfect spot to catch all the breezes, be pleasent enough to sit in, not too blowy or too hot and all mod cons, kettle, sofas and vanilla redbush tea which was ooooo sooooo yummy!! we started our visit with some grooming of madam moon and muttley. beau was very insistant that moon was HER horse, altho i am convinced tis the other way around, when beau and moon were first introduced beau was less than 2 months old, in her carry car seat that i place on the ground of the field and moon stuck her head in thinking it was a bucket (er no, thats my baby moon!) and the cutest thing was, not only did they get a good look at each other, just cm's apart, but moon, very gently and carefully, explored beaus fingers and toes with her lips, decided grass was much nicer and munch on :o) beau has never shown any fear of her since. we do go to the heavy horse centre in verwood and she has often shyed away at the horses when close up or they have gone to investigate beau, but never done it with madam moon.after moon and muttley were prettied a bit, bea offered to let me have a bit of a ride around the field (been a LONG time since i went any distance on a pone!) and tacked her up for me. t'was lovely, gentle walking around the field dum de dum when moon decided it wasnt exciting enough and started to canter, ooo eck! from across the other side of the field bea is shouting orders to me and moon, moon to woah and me to sit straight, straighten my back, put my heals down or i'm gonna be on me arse. the fence (with bea and beau the otherside of it) is fast approaching and moon does a full stop, quickly but without stalling, when she comes head to head with her mammy! i was rolling in my saddle with laughter, and she didnt put me off ;o)
we returned pones to field and went for a spot of lunch in the caravan and a lovely chat and vanilla tea mmmmmmmm beau gave the remains (which wasnt much) to the chooks and was chuffed to pieces with the photos we took :o) so big thanks from me and the beaubeaus to bea for putting up with us!! we had a lovely time! thank you!!! xxxx
after saying our goodbyes and promises to come and disturb the peace at the field during half term with my minions, i raced back over to get the guys from school, then back to pop some washing out on the line to catch the last of the afternoon sun in the garden and pop some jacket tatters in the oven for dinner after swimming which was our next stop!! my friend, brina, that i met at swimming and it was because of her lickle baby son, harvey, who is now a terror on 2 feet, was pleased to see us as we were pleased to see her too! harvey actually walked to me, arms out for a cuddle!!! awww
tomorrow is beaubaleeze first full morning on her own at playgroup and i hope she is happy, coz i have a shed load of things to be doing whilst she is there!! lol

home

what defines a home?
aparently not where the majority of your siblings are, not where you end up when all else has gone tits up in your life, not somewhere that people have been fighting for most of your life to see you more, not where you have been forgiven time after time. home is where you walk all over people and get what you want because you are the centre of the universe.
word according to tyler. this isnt his home.
thanks.

tylerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

monday last week, paul gets a call from taz at her wits end. tyler had called her to *Tell* he is was sleeping at his mates. she said no, he told her again he was. there ensued a huge row and she wanted paul to go get tyler, paul told tyler to go home and that he wasnt coming to get him as i was at a neighbours bodyshop party, i never get to go out and he knew i would have had a couple of glasses of wine (cue me barely being able to walk home 2 doors away!) and tyler went home, taz gave him huge bollocking and decided he needed to come to us for a couple of weeks. tuesday he comes over and also messes up and school and get excluded for the day wednesday, so has to spend the day with me. also coming to light is tyler taking his mothers creditcard and buying something for his game he plays online, what he thought was about a fiver ended up being around £80!!!! he had slipped a £20 into her wallet, because he felt bad. i went mental. i now have, not just a rude manipulative little gobshite in my house, but a liar and theif too!! yea, bound to make for a happy hatty!!! ggggrrrrrr
anyways, the excluded day goes without hitch, get loads of cleaning done, he sorts the sideboard in his room (aka my kids playroom) to make space for his things, i cleaned floors and walls and lav and felt accomplished. he then made dinner.
all had been going ok, spending most of the time in his room playing his pc or the xbox. i wasnt happy about it, feel he should have tried to act as part of our family instead of trying to distance himself. but wtf do i know?
yesterday, i called paul to say that i wasnt feeling happy and wobbling in my sanity a bit when he just erupts into full "i've just had a phone call and it is more important than anything about you" and tells me how taz has called him, the school had called her as tyler isnt in his lesson. he was at his SATS exams and now was nowhere to be found. we agreed to sit on it until dinner time (coley steaks with citrus and olive rub cooked with sweetcorn peas and carrots and served with noodles - havent been shopping so now getting inventive!) but as i pull up to pick him up, he is with a teacher who informs me that tyler had skipped last lesson and they needed to know where he was and that he was ok. paul in the mean time was speaking with tylers head of house, who is basically at his wits end, and i think completly bored of dealing with him. tyler down played that he bunked of lessons, was in enough shit and basically bullshitted. his school bag was *left on a bus on friday* but i think is complete bollox, but not looking like we are going to get the truth from that one either!! ggggrrrrrr
when paul got in he challenged him again, after the last bollocking he got for the being a git, getting suspended, stealing, ending up at ours, i said that he would be loosing his wages and working for nothing, after having them cut by a £5. he also lost his puter, so he has nothing to do in his room at all. he has now mixed with the other, played with all the kids last night, getting beau breakfast this morning and playing princes and princesses with her (he is 14 the end of the month and she is 3 next month!) and generally fussing over her.
this morning he informs us he doesnt have a spare uniform to the one that has just gone in the machine!!! aarrrgghhhh now i'm fuming and he has managed to do it BEFORE 8am!!
lies, theiving, bunking lessons, gobbing off, ignoring everything, i know tis all typical teenage behaviour. why am i having to deal with it from someone who isnt my kid? the idea was in january, that we - paul taz and me - work together, he doesnt get to play us off and she already kept the money thing to herself. the job that was created to help him pay off his mother he has already *forgotten* one sat'd and gone over to stay at his mates and *left his phone on the side with no credit* the bill has gone up from £300 to nearly £600 and he still thinks he can mess everyone about.
i'm bored of this and fecking miserably.

black birds

i was informed this morning that lady black birds are actually brown, i did know this, in fact i was the one who taught him that. humph.
anyways, i was then asked about blackbird weddings, which, i have to say, i am not well versed on bird marriages in general. when i said i didnt know what happened when a man and a woman blackbird got married, i was told that i dont know much about birds do i???? not about their wedding rituals i dont, no. i dont know about whether they have other birds as bridesmaid or what gifts get brought, though i suspect it is mostly worms.
he and chase proceeded to look through a couple of book of birds we have, looking for why they are called blackbirds and if there were any hints on weddings.
need to dry hair to look fantastic for the school gate!
pmsl

work of the week

this morning i have just spent the last 2 1.2 hours at the school as 2 of my schoolies had work of the week (basically they worked the hardest in their classes last week and got rewarded with a certificate and the embarrassment of having your parents and the rest of the school know that you worked the hardest last week). in chases one her friend charlotte also got work of the week and i was chatting her mum before, during and after. then saw gregs stepdad (also a mate of mine from school) at the gate and gave him a quick bit of goss i heard about an old school mate of both of ours. then back to the other building for edens work of the week and also bonnie got it too, so i sat with her mum and chatted about life, the universe and yetti before during and after too!
been driving my new car this morning, a 3.3 l petrol chrystlar voyager which i'm not sure i like now so concidering putting up on ebay, even just to recoup my dosh and get something else. i dunno, i'm so fickle!
bank holiday weekend was spent, friday, bonnie stayed over, sat'd edz was a brat and sent to bed early, sunday i was in agony with my stomach between hiatus hernia and ibs, i felt like i was digesting fire, monday paul worked the morning and the afternoon was spent with toni and her new fella john aka jackie as he is a lad ;o)
i'm still waiting to hear from the solicitor about the will, not recieved that yet, which has slightly annoyed me, but kevin does these things to piss me off, the selfish wanka.
tyler is still here. pleasing himself for the most part, but who am i to tell him differently? he is now doing reading daily with chase whilst he is here and doing chores when i tell him, usually badly, but again who am i to tell him differently? no-one important. something that once more is made startlingly clear. i have tried to make him welcome and comfortable, but he is still allowed to do what he likes when he likes. he chooses to stay in his room and remain insulatated from the rest of us. i'm sure in years to come, something else i'll get the blame for. paul wont see it, purely because he doesnt see what is wrong with him keeping himself away from us. maybe he wouldnt be so controlling and manipulative if he was made to do what the rest of us do.
my washing line awaits my washing, the machine awaits the next load and my sink awaits being cleaned.
dont say i dont know how to live!!