oh no!

panic! the mac has broken!! and i'm religated to using one of the kids pc's. has a stoopid keyboard that i believe belonged to my mil once before she felt that buy another new computer she didnt know how to use was imperative to her survival and pretending her grandchilden that i mothered dont exisit. still, i'm sure it wont be long before the shit hits the fan and everyone is left wondering wtf happened. i'll blog about it as the walls turn brown, promise ;o)
in other news, i saw my half brother martin this week. told him who is real father is, as our mother has chosen to lie to him again. as i was privvy to this information, i felt it my duty to pass it along. i did tell her that i would if she chose not to. turns out her husband had a *heart attack* that morning (wednesday) but i'm very sceptical, the man is so full of shit it comes out each time he talks.
kids are on weeks hols from school, the spring half term. river has a project to complete, 2 actually as he was doing his "if i ignore it it will go away" bullshit wilson thing and not doing his homework. so he is set 4 hours work a day during the break. it is actually easier to get him to do this work than when he was home educated. mostly because he has direction and motivation, both were lacking with home ed and those around us supporting that way of education. i can now see that autonomous learning is, for the most part, bollox. i really failed my kids by not pushing our lives into a stuctured approach as that is the only way children learn all they need to. i am going to be looking into getting river a tutor to get him up to speed and hopefully repair some of the damage autonomous learning has done.
right i hate this keyboard so i'm off to sainsbos for coffee and organic chickens!!

tagged ....

been tagged by the lovely willow :o)
most of these are fairly clear i think ;o)

1) How would you describe yourself?

dancing in a lesbian bar - jonathan richman

2) What do you like in a bloke?

love junky - nick harper

3) What is your motto?

i'm affected - the ramones

4) What do your friends think of you?

psycho - system of a down/
hard headed woman - cat stevens


5) What do you think about often?

song to the siren - tim buckley

6) What do your parents think of you?

there is no home for you here - white stripes

7) What do you think of your best friend?

pretty fly for a white guy - offspring


8) What do you think of the person you like?

dancing barefoot- patti smith


9) What do you want to be when you grow up?

i want to be a hippy - technohead

10) What do you think when you see the person you like?

an occasional dream - dave bowie


11) What song will they play at your wedding?

march of the mad scientist - jethro tull

12) What will they play at your funeral?

lifes a long song - jethro tull

13) What is your hobby/interest?
even flow -pearl jam


14) What is your biggest fear?

clash with reality - pantera
down with the sickness - disturbed

15) What is your biggest secret?

bad speech - roy harper and jimmy page


16) What do you think of your friends?

pure morning -placebo


17) What is your theme song?

clean - depeche mode
jacky - marc almond


18) What do you think of your family?

i could die for you - red hot chili peppers


19) What is your best friend's theme song?

daysleeper - rem
same jeans - the fray


20) What is your mood right now?

roll your own - jethro tull


21) If your heart could talk what would it say?

anarchy in the uk - the sex pistols


22) What do your co-workers think of you?

psycho - system of a down


23) What does your future look like?
sunday morning - the velvet underground

tagging flame ;op

new babies!!

seems like maud, my beautiful lil kittycat is preggers! she is very sleepy and hungry and growing huge at an alarmly fast rate. just spoke to my mate nic and her cat had her 3 kittens at the weekend, all black and white and fluffy and looking like their mammy :o) cant wait to go visit, get beau into the idea of babycats that cannot be cuddled YET!!
what else?
erm, beau is still loving playgroup. i know she misses the guys (her collective name for her brothers and sisters) when they are at school and even has chase as her invisible friend when she is here alone. how cute is that???? she has settled better than any of the others did, not worrying at all when i say goodbye *sniff* but she is happy and i guess that is what counts.
this bloody hiatus hernia is giving me shit the last few days. getting a bit scared to eat as it seems to be worse when i do, but still uncomfortable when i dont. so going with the eating very little and have lost half a stone in the last couple of weeks, so not knocking it :o) just need to start using some of the exercise equiment i have, bike, cross trainer, mini tram and ab-deck thing. i should have a size 10 toned body, if these things worked by just owning them!! lmao
went to town with edz and beau yesterday, needed to do a lush shop and popped down to next and bhs, got edz some school skirts from bhs and edz a mini skirt, chase a tshirt, river a tshirt and me 2 tops, a skirt and a pair of crop trews. the skirt i saw when it had just come into the shop and pointed it out to paulee, he quickly escorted me out of the shop, but yesterday edz saw it and ran up to me saying "hatty! you HAVE to buy this!!" so i did :o) and it is gorg!! pink and cream with paisley in gold, looks great and i hope that dropping a few more lbs and will look even better!!
gotta get back on the phone to sort rivers 2ndry school. i did leave a message, but havent been rung back, so will chase up again after 2pm as i suspect (being a government office) they will have exetended lunch times ;o)
planning on getting my spinning wheel out of the garage this week, fixing it and washing some of the fleece i have in the shed and start spinning again. also planning on getting some more patterns and making more clothes. i did enjoy it and so did edz, so i should expand on that, should i not?
more washing needs to go on, only the 5th load. or is it the 6th? 6th i think. might mop the floors too. whilst beau is sleeping and not likely to walk on it.
amor mundi

moochy monday

after tearing around trying to get to the field and bea and the pones for 10, i was still late! we havent been to the field for about 18 months and lots had changed, for a start there is a caravan and a very nice one too!! placed in the perfect spot to catch all the breezes, be pleasent enough to sit in, not too blowy or too hot and all mod cons, kettle, sofas and vanilla redbush tea which was ooooo sooooo yummy!! we started our visit with some grooming of madam moon and muttley. beau was very insistant that moon was HER horse, altho i am convinced tis the other way around, when beau and moon were first introduced beau was less than 2 months old, in her carry car seat that i place on the ground of the field and moon stuck her head in thinking it was a bucket (er no, thats my baby moon!) and the cutest thing was, not only did they get a good look at each other, just cm's apart, but moon, very gently and carefully, explored beaus fingers and toes with her lips, decided grass was much nicer and munch on :o) beau has never shown any fear of her since. we do go to the heavy horse centre in verwood and she has often shyed away at the horses when close up or they have gone to investigate beau, but never done it with madam moon.after moon and muttley were prettied a bit, bea offered to let me have a bit of a ride around the field (been a LONG time since i went any distance on a pone!) and tacked her up for me. t'was lovely, gentle walking around the field dum de dum when moon decided it wasnt exciting enough and started to canter, ooo eck! from across the other side of the field bea is shouting orders to me and moon, moon to woah and me to sit straight, straighten my back, put my heals down or i'm gonna be on me arse. the fence (with bea and beau the otherside of it) is fast approaching and moon does a full stop, quickly but without stalling, when she comes head to head with her mammy! i was rolling in my saddle with laughter, and she didnt put me off ;o)
we returned pones to field and went for a spot of lunch in the caravan and a lovely chat and vanilla tea mmmmmmmm beau gave the remains (which wasnt much) to the chooks and was chuffed to pieces with the photos we took :o) so big thanks from me and the beaubeaus to bea for putting up with us!! we had a lovely time! thank you!!! xxxx
after saying our goodbyes and promises to come and disturb the peace at the field during half term with my minions, i raced back over to get the guys from school, then back to pop some washing out on the line to catch the last of the afternoon sun in the garden and pop some jacket tatters in the oven for dinner after swimming which was our next stop!! my friend, brina, that i met at swimming and it was because of her lickle baby son, harvey, who is now a terror on 2 feet, was pleased to see us as we were pleased to see her too! harvey actually walked to me, arms out for a cuddle!!! awww
tomorrow is beaubaleeze first full morning on her own at playgroup and i hope she is happy, coz i have a shed load of things to be doing whilst she is there!! lol

home

what defines a home?
aparently not where the majority of your siblings are, not where you end up when all else has gone tits up in your life, not somewhere that people have been fighting for most of your life to see you more, not where you have been forgiven time after time. home is where you walk all over people and get what you want because you are the centre of the universe.
word according to tyler. this isnt his home.
thanks.

tylerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

monday last week, paul gets a call from taz at her wits end. tyler had called her to *Tell* he is was sleeping at his mates. she said no, he told her again he was. there ensued a huge row and she wanted paul to go get tyler, paul told tyler to go home and that he wasnt coming to get him as i was at a neighbours bodyshop party, i never get to go out and he knew i would have had a couple of glasses of wine (cue me barely being able to walk home 2 doors away!) and tyler went home, taz gave him huge bollocking and decided he needed to come to us for a couple of weeks. tuesday he comes over and also messes up and school and get excluded for the day wednesday, so has to spend the day with me. also coming to light is tyler taking his mothers creditcard and buying something for his game he plays online, what he thought was about a fiver ended up being around £80!!!! he had slipped a £20 into her wallet, because he felt bad. i went mental. i now have, not just a rude manipulative little gobshite in my house, but a liar and theif too!! yea, bound to make for a happy hatty!!! ggggrrrrrr
anyways, the excluded day goes without hitch, get loads of cleaning done, he sorts the sideboard in his room (aka my kids playroom) to make space for his things, i cleaned floors and walls and lav and felt accomplished. he then made dinner.
all had been going ok, spending most of the time in his room playing his pc or the xbox. i wasnt happy about it, feel he should have tried to act as part of our family instead of trying to distance himself. but wtf do i know?
yesterday, i called paul to say that i wasnt feeling happy and wobbling in my sanity a bit when he just erupts into full "i've just had a phone call and it is more important than anything about you" and tells me how taz has called him, the school had called her as tyler isnt in his lesson. he was at his SATS exams and now was nowhere to be found. we agreed to sit on it until dinner time (coley steaks with citrus and olive rub cooked with sweetcorn peas and carrots and served with noodles - havent been shopping so now getting inventive!) but as i pull up to pick him up, he is with a teacher who informs me that tyler had skipped last lesson and they needed to know where he was and that he was ok. paul in the mean time was speaking with tylers head of house, who is basically at his wits end, and i think completly bored of dealing with him. tyler down played that he bunked of lessons, was in enough shit and basically bullshitted. his school bag was *left on a bus on friday* but i think is complete bollox, but not looking like we are going to get the truth from that one either!! ggggrrrrrr
when paul got in he challenged him again, after the last bollocking he got for the being a git, getting suspended, stealing, ending up at ours, i said that he would be loosing his wages and working for nothing, after having them cut by a £5. he also lost his puter, so he has nothing to do in his room at all. he has now mixed with the other, played with all the kids last night, getting beau breakfast this morning and playing princes and princesses with her (he is 14 the end of the month and she is 3 next month!) and generally fussing over her.
this morning he informs us he doesnt have a spare uniform to the one that has just gone in the machine!!! aarrrgghhhh now i'm fuming and he has managed to do it BEFORE 8am!!
lies, theiving, bunking lessons, gobbing off, ignoring everything, i know tis all typical teenage behaviour. why am i having to deal with it from someone who isnt my kid? the idea was in january, that we - paul taz and me - work together, he doesnt get to play us off and she already kept the money thing to herself. the job that was created to help him pay off his mother he has already *forgotten* one sat'd and gone over to stay at his mates and *left his phone on the side with no credit* the bill has gone up from £300 to nearly £600 and he still thinks he can mess everyone about.
i'm bored of this and fecking miserably.

black birds

i was informed this morning that lady black birds are actually brown, i did know this, in fact i was the one who taught him that. humph.
anyways, i was then asked about blackbird weddings, which, i have to say, i am not well versed on bird marriages in general. when i said i didnt know what happened when a man and a woman blackbird got married, i was told that i dont know much about birds do i???? not about their wedding rituals i dont, no. i dont know about whether they have other birds as bridesmaid or what gifts get brought, though i suspect it is mostly worms.
he and chase proceeded to look through a couple of book of birds we have, looking for why they are called blackbirds and if there were any hints on weddings.
need to dry hair to look fantastic for the school gate!
pmsl

work of the week

this morning i have just spent the last 2 1.2 hours at the school as 2 of my schoolies had work of the week (basically they worked the hardest in their classes last week and got rewarded with a certificate and the embarrassment of having your parents and the rest of the school know that you worked the hardest last week). in chases one her friend charlotte also got work of the week and i was chatting her mum before, during and after. then saw gregs stepdad (also a mate of mine from school) at the gate and gave him a quick bit of goss i heard about an old school mate of both of ours. then back to the other building for edens work of the week and also bonnie got it too, so i sat with her mum and chatted about life, the universe and yetti before during and after too!
been driving my new car this morning, a 3.3 l petrol chrystlar voyager which i'm not sure i like now so concidering putting up on ebay, even just to recoup my dosh and get something else. i dunno, i'm so fickle!
bank holiday weekend was spent, friday, bonnie stayed over, sat'd edz was a brat and sent to bed early, sunday i was in agony with my stomach between hiatus hernia and ibs, i felt like i was digesting fire, monday paul worked the morning and the afternoon was spent with toni and her new fella john aka jackie as he is a lad ;o)
i'm still waiting to hear from the solicitor about the will, not recieved that yet, which has slightly annoyed me, but kevin does these things to piss me off, the selfish wanka.
tyler is still here. pleasing himself for the most part, but who am i to tell him differently? he is now doing reading daily with chase whilst he is here and doing chores when i tell him, usually badly, but again who am i to tell him differently? no-one important. something that once more is made startlingly clear. i have tried to make him welcome and comfortable, but he is still allowed to do what he likes when he likes. he chooses to stay in his room and remain insulatated from the rest of us. i'm sure in years to come, something else i'll get the blame for. paul wont see it, purely because he doesnt see what is wrong with him keeping himself away from us. maybe he wouldnt be so controlling and manipulative if he was made to do what the rest of us do.
my washing line awaits my washing, the machine awaits the next load and my sink awaits being cleaned.
dont say i dont know how to live!!

over

came today, with a cheque for £5000. it was my inheritance from my grandfathers £1.5 million estate. £45k in legacies and the rest for my father.
the slap was in the form of the £500 my children have been left. because my grandfather didnt update his will to include my other children, just 2 of them, with £250 each, my dad is only authorising £500 pay out for all my 5 offspring. he did say to me they would get what was coming. their existance must really offend him.
i just want to die, that has hurt me more than i thought possible.
paul just told me he was tempted to phone my father this morning. but he wont. he doesnt. i'm only his wife and anyone can do everything possible to insult me, he wouldnt care. he doesnt care. after today, it couldnt be more obvious. he as much as said it, he wouldnt come out and say it, too much confrontation for someone as weak as him. i always thought it was a strength, his laid back attitude. but now i see it is just avoidance.
thanks, what more could one want from a husband??

my poor wee man

we were all sat at the kitchen table eating our dinner of hattys special fried rice and HFC (nope that wasnt me that was for dinner!) hatty fried chicken! anyways, sparks said something about his grandmother (pauls mother) being a murderer and promptly burst into tears, when i asked him what he meant by that, he said "because she grab chase and tried to strangle her and that could have killer her and it was freezing cold and she chucked her out of the house!" those that dont know, pauls mother did indeed do this, on boxing day and neither we nor the children have seen her since, nor wanted to, obviously!
i brought him into the lounge to have a chat about it and i couldnt believe how upset this made him, i knew that he had been witness to it, but didnt know that is what he thought!
my poor boy!
i think he was a bit tired, he had my bezzy mate nics son jamie over for tea yesterday and they were in and out, playing in the garden, on the wii, in sparks room. then today, he had the day off and i took him and james, bonnies lil bro, over to the bournemouth oceanarium and then to harry ramsdens for lunch of pizza and chippies and icecream to follow. i had planned on moors valley, but weather was wet this morning and, knowing what it is like in the rain, i didnt wanna take james back looking like he had been bathed in mud!! so quick trip to the park on the way home and half hour on the wii before taking james up the school to meet his mum when she picked up bonnie. gods, that boy is loud!! but all in all, taking out two six year olds was, as expected, filled with much giggling, lying (i've got a pet wolf, yea sure you have dude!) and playing of nintendo dses! he ate all his lunch (even if he did lick out the ketchup lid (eeww eewww ewww) and got his pudding. sparks was made up he got to have some of his mates over for a change, it is usually river and edz mates that come over, altho, when cat and laura and eli came down 2 sat'ds ago, there was toby (6) jack (7) luca and fae (nearly 3) and rhiannon (9) so chase was the only one left out. that said, i had a chat with charlottes mum and she said, as long as charlotte wants to, charlotte could come over for dinner one evening, but she isnt eating much, so i am going to give it a go at getting her to cook with chase, and hopefully more inclined to eat something she had prepared and cooked! i can hope!!!
right beaubaleeze has been bathed, the girls have cleaned their room, river and the other children in the street are bring up rolls of turf from down the road, sparks is playing bowling on the wii with paul and i cant play guitar hero *pouty sulky face*
i'll have to read or ..... something ......

you want more?

yeah ..... guitar hero!!!
after feeding the 5000, well close, 9 people that were here for dinner tonight, i played, yes more guitar hero!! just improving my scores on the quick play, kids are improving, i have to stay highest score, i must, just this once!!!
paul is playing, he has caught guitar hero fever, he wants the precious, but he cants have its, no precious for you are minnnnnneeeeeeee!!
hhmm yeah, so, had brief chat with friend of dear friend and it turns out my uncle frank that i went to see in feb, is ill again :o( he is in his 80's, so a worry, has been in hospital, but out now. i must try to get down to getting a card or something, gods i'm so crap at times :o(
after all extra children went to their own homes, auntie frances, grandads girlfriend phones to tell me she had her £20k cheque, mixed emotions again and i kinda had a bit of a vent off at her, which was unfair and she didnt deserve it, i wasnt having a go at her, just venting my frustration and sadness of the way my dad has acted towards me and to her too to some extent, she understands my place and she was (as always) sweet and understanding and everything she always is. i phoned her back later to apologise and thank her for listening, she didnt need to hear it, but the again she is very unhappy and likes to hear a voice in the house, so was happy that i rang back just for that, bless her. i must ring her more, she is the sterotypical old lady, got family but live away and do visit, and call, just not enough to fill that void. i must try to make more of an effort, gods i'm so crap at times :o(
sparks has day off tomorrow because of the NUT strikes (yay! more striking i say! send the whole fecking lot into chaos!) and so has bonnies lil bro, he and sparks have kinda gravitatied together when they have met, the unspoken 6 year old boy thing, i said to his mum that he was welcome over for the school time with sparks, thought we might go to moors valley as we have the car park pass still and for the next month, must use often!! i gotta get chase to invite a friend as sparks had jamie over for tea today and young nasty man had wonderboy over and edz had bonnie tuesday and she is planning on staying friday night and tyler will be here and river is off to an 11 year olds birthday party 2 doors down. shit! what a weekend! oh fuck and i've invited over my mate brina for dinner eeeeekkkkk must call her and cancel, gods i'm so crap at times :o(
ok, enough of being shit, going to play guitar hero and rock!!

catnip overload

during this mornings guitar heroics, beau fed an entire tube of catnip to the cats, can they overdose????
i really should do some cleaning as spent hour and 40mins on the phone with my chaotic friend, some washing and some guitar heroics (where i did rock i did!!).
my cats are gonna be sooo loved up the rest of the day!!

more guitar hero!!

after a day of running around, school runs, driving, more school runs, i should be coming home to tidy my house, put away the mountain of washing and lovingly prepare the childrens tea, doing all the chores i couldnt do because i was working. i should, shouldnt i? but i'm not. instead i've been playing guitar hero and arse to the rest of it!!

guitar legend!!!

thats what i am!! oh yes.
after playing guitar hero with jim the other evening, i had to get it and as paul let me down AGAIN on getting something sorted with inking, i phoned him on his way to getting inked himself (notice how he gets to do this stuff and have hours off from his day to do that for himself, but i cant go to the hairdressers alone???) and asked if i could buy guitar hero iii for the wii! de man getting inked, he say yes!! so i bought said heroic game and have been playing it ever since.
i say ever since, but that translates to couple of hours friday, 3 on sat'd, couple last night and half hour today. i have managed to get through the easy levels (where you just use 3 fingers) and now on medium (using 4) then there is hard where you grow another finger and expert and i havent a clue what you do there, i am too scared to find out, will wait til i at least get through medium ;o)
what else can i say, but i rock!!! paul and steve tried it and steve was shite (sorry steve, but even you said so! lol) and paul took about 10 goes to get through one song on easy, when i first tried, i had one practice and then finished the song!!! with a new high score!! see guitar legend i am, oh yes i am!! after i beat the easy level, i played a few songs on spike career band, so he had some more songs open for him :oD any excuse!! lol
even now, it is on, both edz and beau are asleep on the sofa and i should be cleaning the kitchen, but am fighting playing it, so blogging about it instead!!
edz is off school today with a crook neck, she wont straighten her head on her shoulders as it hurts and doesnt care that that is the only way to get the muscle to unspasm. i mean, wtf would i know right? *rolls eyes*
in other news, had several abusive phone calls yesterday from pauls mother, throwing insults, calling her son a groomer!! pmsl said he was grooming an old lady????? said it was all over the internet. some people are so full of shit!! rofl next she phoned and left another message pleading him to speak to her. why? she manages to get paul to not want to speak to her even more with every call.
took beau swimming for the first time yesterday and she loved it, after the initial, i want to get out, dont let me go. she sat in the ring and just held my finger whilst she floated and splashed and giggled :o)
gotta go clean my kitchen, gotta be at the school in half hour to get edz out of doing sats as i dont believe in them ;o) i bet they love me!!!

amor mundi

What color is your soul painted?

What color is your soul painted? Red Your soul is painted the color red, which embodies the characteristics of love, strength, physical energy, sex, passion, courage, protection, excitement, speed, leadership, power, danger, and respect. Red is the color of the element Fire, and is associated with blood, life and death, birth, volcanoes, and intense emotions. Click Here to Take This Quiz

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