i have a new bag and i love it!!
the paths of the bag and i began to wend our ways towards each other last week when i got an email from my dear friend Bea suggesting that we meet up soon, so today was the date we set and today we did meet :o)
i havent seen Bea for about 18 months and i have missed her so! we drank coffee, talked lots, laughed at the idiocy of the world and people in it. we talked about her horses, her soon to be horse and going riding!! yay!! going riding! i havent been riding in soooo long! very exciting stuff that i have time for now i have the kids in school ;o) which we also talked about at length and once more, on the same page.
i had a spinning hook for her that was got for crimbly before last gift!! finally it made it to her and she liked (i hope?? you did didnt you bea??) and she gave me the most gorg felted bag!! oh lordy!! this bag is gorg! its moss coloured, greens and browns and beige, looks wonderful with my green boots, i've may have mentioned how much i love it, but i really do! i must photograph it!! lol we had a wander around hobbycraft for a bit, i picked up some little cross stitch kits for the girls and some free leaflets and she got some wee flowers for knitting and it was back to haskins for more coffee.
it is now a blustery cold wet evening and paul has the circus tickets booked for 7.30! eeekkk i've drunk so much coffee today, i hope my bladder can take it! lol
whilst i was out, the girls baked, sparks and paul moved sparks room around and beau slept, only to wake as i walked in the door and scream at length on my lap, i guess tis what i get for taking 4 hours out without my flickies.new bag is to be packed up with supplies for the circus now.
amor mundi
Saturday, 29 March 2008
Friday, 28 March 2008
i am a
You Are a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich |
 You life your life in a free form, artistic style. You are incredibly creative and at times, quite messy. Deep down, you are a kid at heart. And you aren't afraid to express it. Your best friend: The Grilled Cheese Sandwich Your mortal enemy: The Club Sandwich |
Thursday, 27 March 2008
today stuff
got up mega early and did 3 miles on the exercise strider thang! yay! now it works, i have no excuses!! i must use it, i must shift this weight, hopefully will make this bloody hiatus hernia easier and i really wanna get into a size 12!!
some washing, some housework, used the washing line, only to have some idiot burning wood in their fireplace! ffs! not only does it make loads of smoke in the fireplace, it also fills gardens with horrid smelly smoke too! is it me, or are most people fecking idiots, ok dont answer that ;o)
went to therapy and after a half session, she decided that i was through with therapy. now that is fine, i know that most of what i needed was to realise that this wasnt me, that i am not to blame for my failure parents and bullshitter grandfather. it can hurt and i can get over it. the rest was a waste of her time and mine. she also said it is nice to laugh during a session, she accused me once of using humour to stear from what the questions were and wasting my time with chitchat. i honestly dont think she got me that well and liked me less. probly just my paranoia, who cares?? she got her money, i got better! she thought i should really think about using my humour/talents (which she still couldnt actually tell me what they were) to achieve something, get a job, a bit of a life etc. i havent the time, a job would have to earn me a lot of money to be finanically viable with child care, school runs, house duties to be covered as well as everything else. and quite honestly, if i had a job i'd need a feck of a lot of energy to make time for my kids too! which i think she got. i've done the CBT and the schema therapy, bought the books, now just need the tshirt! lol
anyways, going back in june for a follow up, see what progress i've made and all that.
going to do some more on my strider in a mo, whilst the kids tea (baked salmon, boiled pots and mixed veg) is cooking.
christine is here, so havent seen hide nor hair of river or beau since she arrived. i wonder if she has eaten them ......
some washing, some housework, used the washing line, only to have some idiot burning wood in their fireplace! ffs! not only does it make loads of smoke in the fireplace, it also fills gardens with horrid smelly smoke too! is it me, or are most people fecking idiots, ok dont answer that ;o)
went to therapy and after a half session, she decided that i was through with therapy. now that is fine, i know that most of what i needed was to realise that this wasnt me, that i am not to blame for my failure parents and bullshitter grandfather. it can hurt and i can get over it. the rest was a waste of her time and mine. she also said it is nice to laugh during a session, she accused me once of using humour to stear from what the questions were and wasting my time with chitchat. i honestly dont think she got me that well and liked me less. probly just my paranoia, who cares?? she got her money, i got better! she thought i should really think about using my humour/talents (which she still couldnt actually tell me what they were) to achieve something, get a job, a bit of a life etc. i havent the time, a job would have to earn me a lot of money to be finanically viable with child care, school runs, house duties to be covered as well as everything else. and quite honestly, if i had a job i'd need a feck of a lot of energy to make time for my kids too! which i think she got. i've done the CBT and the schema therapy, bought the books, now just need the tshirt! lol
anyways, going back in june for a follow up, see what progress i've made and all that.
going to do some more on my strider in a mo, whilst the kids tea (baked salmon, boiled pots and mixed veg) is cooking.
christine is here, so havent seen hide nor hair of river or beau since she arrived. i wonder if she has eaten them ......
Tuesday, 25 March 2008
there and back again
no, this isnt a hobbits tale!!
went to the hospital for 9am, took me my books, my ipod, a note book. paul and the kids left as i went to be booked in.
i was offered sedation, but in the end went without as i really just wanted to get out of there and sedation would have meant another hour/hour and half at least before i could go. i had the throat spray which was (as all fake banana flavoured things are) absolutly vile! evily vile! the surgen explained what was what and what she was going to do. then a HUGE (approx 5 foot long!) tube was connected to the machine beside me and a nurse talked me through being relaxed and put a thing in to keep my mouth open. this was good as i kept biting on it. the throat spray stuff didnt really do a lot, and i did gag and retch lots, but it was all over within about 4 mins with the lovely nurse telling me how well i was doing, to relax, breathe, calm, the whole time. i could feel it in my mouth, throat, oesophagus, stomach. not plesant, but better than a stomach pump!
on the way out, she spotted the problem, hiatus hernia. and it was over, bit more retching and kind of puking, but not, a loud beltch and i was done. she asked had i had any children, yea 5, ah that would be a large part of it. basically my stomach starts in my chest, its about 3 inches above where it should be. she gave me a hand out that says, dont drink red wine (i dont) dont eat large meals, cut down smoking (i've quit) and caffine (damn but i nneeeeeddd!! it!) and cheese! CHEEESE! no CHEESE!! how will i live without cheese??? i love cheese!! oh and loosing more weight.
was taken back to the ward (only a few doors along from the scopyroom) and whilst all those sedated were sleeping it off, i was up and dressed and ready to go, got letter for my gp (which i forgot to drop off, oh dear what a shame) and sent on my way. paul and kids were there already after going to the park for less than an hour!
still feels like i have something large down my throat, but have eaten and drunk and trying to rehydrate! i woke at 1.30am and had a large glass of water and thought, bollox to it, i need to drink and was told when i got to the unit that i only needed to fast for 6 hours! so that was ok, i'm just very thirsty now.
paul has gone back to work, kids are playing in the garden, the sun is shining and i can take antacids again and drink and eat and everything, i dont have cancer or an ulcer, just a silly herniated stomach. all is ok :o)
amor mundi
went to the hospital for 9am, took me my books, my ipod, a note book. paul and the kids left as i went to be booked in.
i was offered sedation, but in the end went without as i really just wanted to get out of there and sedation would have meant another hour/hour and half at least before i could go. i had the throat spray which was (as all fake banana flavoured things are) absolutly vile! evily vile! the surgen explained what was what and what she was going to do. then a HUGE (approx 5 foot long!) tube was connected to the machine beside me and a nurse talked me through being relaxed and put a thing in to keep my mouth open. this was good as i kept biting on it. the throat spray stuff didnt really do a lot, and i did gag and retch lots, but it was all over within about 4 mins with the lovely nurse telling me how well i was doing, to relax, breathe, calm, the whole time. i could feel it in my mouth, throat, oesophagus, stomach. not plesant, but better than a stomach pump!
on the way out, she spotted the problem, hiatus hernia. and it was over, bit more retching and kind of puking, but not, a loud beltch and i was done. she asked had i had any children, yea 5, ah that would be a large part of it. basically my stomach starts in my chest, its about 3 inches above where it should be. she gave me a hand out that says, dont drink red wine (i dont) dont eat large meals, cut down smoking (i've quit) and caffine (damn but i nneeeeeddd!! it!) and cheese! CHEEESE! no CHEESE!! how will i live without cheese??? i love cheese!! oh and loosing more weight.
was taken back to the ward (only a few doors along from the scopyroom) and whilst all those sedated were sleeping it off, i was up and dressed and ready to go, got letter for my gp (which i forgot to drop off, oh dear what a shame) and sent on my way. paul and kids were there already after going to the park for less than an hour!
still feels like i have something large down my throat, but have eaten and drunk and trying to rehydrate! i woke at 1.30am and had a large glass of water and thought, bollox to it, i need to drink and was told when i got to the unit that i only needed to fast for 6 hours! so that was ok, i'm just very thirsty now.
paul has gone back to work, kids are playing in the garden, the sun is shining and i can take antacids again and drink and eat and everything, i dont have cancer or an ulcer, just a silly herniated stomach. all is ok :o)
amor mundi
Monday, 24 March 2008
off to hossy tomorrow
and this time it is for me!
going to have a gastroscopy aka camera down me throat and into my stomach to have a look around and see if they can tell why i keep getting these horrible stomach pains and chest pains that i need to take painkillers to get through. at the moment i dont know where i am sposed to be going, only that i need to be there at 9.15am and i have no babysitter for kids and no letter and the phone lines dont open until 10am!! how fecking stoopid is that????
went to heavy horse centre today and heard that the lovely suffolk punch they had, yvette, died in january :-( she was a sweet heart and fought and fought for life, but it all got a bit much and she gave up before the owners had to make the choice to say enough is enough. in good news, smokey joe is walking and pulling the cart! his manky foot is under control!! yay!! go smokey dude!!
i have decided that i want a wolf, well a czech wolf dog actually, which are >20% wolf, but look like them and are bloody gorg! am researching, asking lots of questions to breeders and trying to locate one for less that £1,500 :-O
on nil by mouth from midnight, so gonna go have some rasberries and icecream now and wash down couple of pints of water and to bed. have had a bit of a chest infection the last few days AGAIN, only the 2nd in the last month! hearing still not back properly as antibiotics are rubbish! havent been able to take any antacids for 2 weeks so have had horrible indigestion whether i eat or not and am all but falling apart!
moan over .....
going to go do more hunting for this fecking letter!!
going to have a gastroscopy aka camera down me throat and into my stomach to have a look around and see if they can tell why i keep getting these horrible stomach pains and chest pains that i need to take painkillers to get through. at the moment i dont know where i am sposed to be going, only that i need to be there at 9.15am and i have no babysitter for kids and no letter and the phone lines dont open until 10am!! how fecking stoopid is that????
went to heavy horse centre today and heard that the lovely suffolk punch they had, yvette, died in january :-( she was a sweet heart and fought and fought for life, but it all got a bit much and she gave up before the owners had to make the choice to say enough is enough. in good news, smokey joe is walking and pulling the cart! his manky foot is under control!! yay!! go smokey dude!!
i have decided that i want a wolf, well a czech wolf dog actually, which are >20% wolf, but look like them and are bloody gorg! am researching, asking lots of questions to breeders and trying to locate one for less that £1,500 :-O
on nil by mouth from midnight, so gonna go have some rasberries and icecream now and wash down couple of pints of water and to bed. have had a bit of a chest infection the last few days AGAIN, only the 2nd in the last month! hearing still not back properly as antibiotics are rubbish! havent been able to take any antacids for 2 weeks so have had horrible indigestion whether i eat or not and am all but falling apart!
moan over .....
going to go do more hunting for this fecking letter!!
Wednesday, 19 March 2008
hhmmm meant to do this before!!
havent blogged for over a week, and i keep thinking "must blog about this!" and not doing it!! arrgghhh need more hours in the day!
today we went to the hospital AGAIN to see the consultant for a follow up on beaus choking episode, all ok and it just seems to be the way she is, having an abnormally high palate, like me! see, i knew i could get it to be my fault! lol long and short is, she is ok, total return to normal self and we have to be aware of the potential for it happening again. which we are. she is refered to the maxillofacial specialist, mr marcus and the speech therapy dept, even tho she is one of the most fluent and prolific talkers for a not quite 3 year old!
am off to stonehenge travelodge tonight for trip to henge for dawn, tomorrow being oestara aka spring equinox. meeting up with dan and eli and thier boys, heres hoping for a clear morning! dawn is a stoopid oclock aka 6.11!! ffs! couldnt they have started summer daylight saving last weekend?? lol
gotta be back for 11am, tis only hour and half away, as have my cross trainer arriving and i wanna get to build it! need to work off this nearly stone i've put on since giving up smoking again :o( and am far too fat to be seen at the gym in a tracky or the like! there is laws against it i'm sure, if there arent THERE SHOULD BE!!
kids last day at school tomorrow before the unbelievably early easter break. i have bought the kids daffs to give their teachers, river has point blank refused, dunno what his problem is, maybe he thinks mr hatchard wouldnt like them *scratches head*. got chase a few bit from lush and a bottle of clary sage and new flannel to give to her heavily preggy teacher who is off on maternity leave tomorrow, she has been so lovely and helped chase a lot since they started in december, wanted to get her something special and nice :o)
hopefully will blog again tomorrow with pix of henge on a beautiful spring morning!!
amor mundi
today we went to the hospital AGAIN to see the consultant for a follow up on beaus choking episode, all ok and it just seems to be the way she is, having an abnormally high palate, like me! see, i knew i could get it to be my fault! lol long and short is, she is ok, total return to normal self and we have to be aware of the potential for it happening again. which we are. she is refered to the maxillofacial specialist, mr marcus and the speech therapy dept, even tho she is one of the most fluent and prolific talkers for a not quite 3 year old!
am off to stonehenge travelodge tonight for trip to henge for dawn, tomorrow being oestara aka spring equinox. meeting up with dan and eli and thier boys, heres hoping for a clear morning! dawn is a stoopid oclock aka 6.11!! ffs! couldnt they have started summer daylight saving last weekend?? lol
gotta be back for 11am, tis only hour and half away, as have my cross trainer arriving and i wanna get to build it! need to work off this nearly stone i've put on since giving up smoking again :o( and am far too fat to be seen at the gym in a tracky or the like! there is laws against it i'm sure, if there arent THERE SHOULD BE!!
kids last day at school tomorrow before the unbelievably early easter break. i have bought the kids daffs to give their teachers, river has point blank refused, dunno what his problem is, maybe he thinks mr hatchard wouldnt like them *scratches head*. got chase a few bit from lush and a bottle of clary sage and new flannel to give to her heavily preggy teacher who is off on maternity leave tomorrow, she has been so lovely and helped chase a lot since they started in december, wanted to get her something special and nice :o)
hopefully will blog again tomorrow with pix of henge on a beautiful spring morning!!
amor mundi
Monday, 10 March 2008
coz willow made me!!
1. Go to www.photobucket.com (don't sign in)
2. Type in your answer to the question in the search box.
3. Use only the first page to look for the appropriate answer.
4. Copy the HTML and paste under the question for the answer.
1. What's your name?
2. Relationship status?
3. Favourite colour?
4. What are you listening to right now?
5. Favourite movie?
6. Where is your dream vacation?
(yes i want to go back!)
7. What's your favourite dessert?
8. One word to describe yourself...
9. Your eye colour is...
10. The last book you read...
11. Night or day?
12. Oranges or apples?
13. Chocolate or vanilla?
2. Type in your answer to the question in the search box.
3. Use only the first page to look for the appropriate answer.
4. Copy the HTML and paste under the question for the answer.
1. What's your name?
2. Relationship status?
3. Favourite colour?
4. What are you listening to right now?
5. Favourite movie?
6. Where is your dream vacation?
(yes i want to go back!)
7. What's your favourite dessert?
8. One word to describe yourself...
9. Your eye colour is...
10. The last book you read...
11. Night or day?
12. Oranges or apples?
13. Chocolate or vanilla?
Thursday, 6 March 2008
poetry
following on from yesterday, i had planned to put up willows pappys fav poem, but poetry file is hiding from me and i cant be arsed to search the house for it!!
beau has to go for some tests to make sure her throat has returned to norman and to see if norman is not what her throat should be, there was lots of swelling and it was an odd shape when they xrayed after the choking incident. she is looking forward to going, i know she is going to kick off and not drink the stuff or stay still for the xray and it is going to be oh so much fun!
i have my parcels packed up and ready to go, just gotta send em off, so that is on the cards too, as well as opening bank account for the window cleaning round.
its all go here!
spent the day with stephen the human sex god yesterday. he phoned me saying he had turned his phone on early yesterday incase i called, i have given up calling in the morning as either his phone is off or he doesnt answer or he does answer and was sleeping so tells me politely to feck off.
anyways, we went out for lunch to sainsbos, drank coffee and ate expensive sandwiches and he chatted away to beau who was playing shy. t'was really good fun, then popped down to see rob, his 6foot 5 friend who was a total star for me when i lost the plot in june. beau thinks he is god and was hoping to raid his fridge, the cheeky mare! his ginger cat, jasper (who looks like my morpheus) was about and being all cute and cuddly (not like him at all!) then climbed on the roof and started doing his "i'm a ginger cat and i'm just plan odd" bit, just to stay in character.
went and got kids from school and then a very strange thing happened, steve showed them how to make and fly the best paper planes, edz totally got it and made around 50 of the bloody things! then from planes they moved onto birds and then frogs and in the end, we had a whole frog chorus and enough birds to keep the pidgeons out the garden! lol he only drank 3 bottles of beer (after the 2 can of kestral) and didnt swear either!
if you dont know steve his is a raving alcoholic, that swears and smokes and cant stand being around the kids too long. yesterday, he was in his element and so were they! and also got me to order some books from ebay about origami so he can do more with them.
so he does have his uses, no matter what anyone says!
when i took him home, we were chatting about a certain person that we both know and someone that they like, turns out the liked person is my bessy mate niccis boyfriends sister, and also stephens brothers bessy mate. sycronisity again! so i popped over nic's on the way home and freaked her out demanding to know why she was out with steves brother when i was in manchester! rofl she thought i was having a go at her, bless her. as if i could, my lovely lil naughty nitty ;o) so to come full circle, that is all a kind of poetry in itself, the whole continuation with rhythm and rhyme, my life is at about 3 degrees of seperation at the moment!!
small world keeps getting smaller.
beau has to go for some tests to make sure her throat has returned to norman and to see if norman is not what her throat should be, there was lots of swelling and it was an odd shape when they xrayed after the choking incident. she is looking forward to going, i know she is going to kick off and not drink the stuff or stay still for the xray and it is going to be oh so much fun!
i have my parcels packed up and ready to go, just gotta send em off, so that is on the cards too, as well as opening bank account for the window cleaning round.
its all go here!
spent the day with stephen the human sex god yesterday. he phoned me saying he had turned his phone on early yesterday incase i called, i have given up calling in the morning as either his phone is off or he doesnt answer or he does answer and was sleeping so tells me politely to feck off.
anyways, we went out for lunch to sainsbos, drank coffee and ate expensive sandwiches and he chatted away to beau who was playing shy. t'was really good fun, then popped down to see rob, his 6foot 5 friend who was a total star for me when i lost the plot in june. beau thinks he is god and was hoping to raid his fridge, the cheeky mare! his ginger cat, jasper (who looks like my morpheus) was about and being all cute and cuddly (not like him at all!) then climbed on the roof and started doing his "i'm a ginger cat and i'm just plan odd" bit, just to stay in character.
went and got kids from school and then a very strange thing happened, steve showed them how to make and fly the best paper planes, edz totally got it and made around 50 of the bloody things! then from planes they moved onto birds and then frogs and in the end, we had a whole frog chorus and enough birds to keep the pidgeons out the garden! lol he only drank 3 bottles of beer (after the 2 can of kestral) and didnt swear either!
if you dont know steve his is a raving alcoholic, that swears and smokes and cant stand being around the kids too long. yesterday, he was in his element and so were they! and also got me to order some books from ebay about origami so he can do more with them.
so he does have his uses, no matter what anyone says!
when i took him home, we were chatting about a certain person that we both know and someone that they like, turns out the liked person is my bessy mate niccis boyfriends sister, and also stephens brothers bessy mate. sycronisity again! so i popped over nic's on the way home and freaked her out demanding to know why she was out with steves brother when i was in manchester! rofl she thought i was having a go at her, bless her. as if i could, my lovely lil naughty nitty ;o) so to come full circle, that is all a kind of poetry in itself, the whole continuation with rhythm and rhyme, my life is at about 3 degrees of seperation at the moment!!
small world keeps getting smaller.
Tuesday, 4 March 2008
still deaf
and in pain :( taken 6 antibiotics so far and still have this loud buzzingy/hissy kinda noise in my right ear. nic phoned earlier and i couldnt hear a bloody thing through my right ear. this is not fun. i was actually worried about laying down to sleep as sunday night i had to sleep sitting up and all my naps (of which there were several) were all sitting up because laying down the pressure increased in my head and my ear started hot shooting pains down my neck and into my head. i dont like this.
roast chicken dinner tonight and paul is just stripping the bones to go into the slow cooker for making stock over night. i love free meals!! bit bored of risotta now, gotta find something else to make with it. thinking maybe spanish garlic chicken, i can stick that in the slow cooker tomorrow and bugger off out for the day if the weather holds. did a load of cleaning today, if i get my arse into gear earlier enough, i will get the bathrooms done and food in slowy and out before lunch.
i also have a mountain of orders to fill! but no time. i remember when i am on school run, or up to eyeballs in washing or similar. need more hours in the day, yes yes, i could be doing it now, only i cant get into the garage as there has just been a load of stuff dumped there which will be moved tomorrow, so maybe then ....... maybe!
been thinking about stuff today, when i drove to the school this morning i noticed the trees at the darbys corner roundabout were starting to bloom. last year the whole roundabout was covered in blossom when such a dear dear friend was sent starside. he was the sweetest man and i always wished he could have been my dad. he had more time and endless patiences and always a kind word or something encouraging to say. i took my poetry over to him one day, read him some of it. he told me how good he thought it was, what his favourate was and that i should read it to my dad. i tried, but my dad wasnt interested. it was because of this man that i went to malaysia. his passing broke a huge chunk off my heart, my paul thought that having the trip to look forward to would help me heal and it did. yes, willowc, your pappy.
although i lost so much more last year, this was just the tip of the iceburg. the blossom on that roundabout will forever mean the anniversary of his depature. its still a couple of week until his birthday, but i shall toast him with a large whiskey when it turns.
got a new phone too, far too hard for my girl brain to work out tho ...... must get new tiknulijee chip installed me thinks.
roast chicken dinner tonight and paul is just stripping the bones to go into the slow cooker for making stock over night. i love free meals!! bit bored of risotta now, gotta find something else to make with it. thinking maybe spanish garlic chicken, i can stick that in the slow cooker tomorrow and bugger off out for the day if the weather holds. did a load of cleaning today, if i get my arse into gear earlier enough, i will get the bathrooms done and food in slowy and out before lunch.
i also have a mountain of orders to fill! but no time. i remember when i am on school run, or up to eyeballs in washing or similar. need more hours in the day, yes yes, i could be doing it now, only i cant get into the garage as there has just been a load of stuff dumped there which will be moved tomorrow, so maybe then ....... maybe!
been thinking about stuff today, when i drove to the school this morning i noticed the trees at the darbys corner roundabout were starting to bloom. last year the whole roundabout was covered in blossom when such a dear dear friend was sent starside. he was the sweetest man and i always wished he could have been my dad. he had more time and endless patiences and always a kind word or something encouraging to say. i took my poetry over to him one day, read him some of it. he told me how good he thought it was, what his favourate was and that i should read it to my dad. i tried, but my dad wasnt interested. it was because of this man that i went to malaysia. his passing broke a huge chunk off my heart, my paul thought that having the trip to look forward to would help me heal and it did. yes, willowc, your pappy.
although i lost so much more last year, this was just the tip of the iceburg. the blossom on that roundabout will forever mean the anniversary of his depature. its still a couple of week until his birthday, but i shall toast him with a large whiskey when it turns.
got a new phone too, far too hard for my girl brain to work out tho ...... must get new tiknulijee chip installed me thinks.
Monday, 3 March 2008
why is it?
that you get the worst earache of your life at 2am?
went to bed at half 12, took 2 paracetamol as it was hurting then, by half 1 i was in agony, so took 2 codeine and got another hot water bottle, after 15 mins i was in complete agony! never known anything like it, throbbing, bursting pain down my neck and into my head. paul woke up with my crying and rocking. he phone the outofhours gp, just as well have phoned to speaking fucking clock! take decongestant. havent got any, take ibuprofen. cant they make my stomach bleed. dont lay down. how will i sleep then? dont, you are in pain. no shit. get an icepack, will be better than heat. could you do anything? er no, go see your gp tomorrow IF it still hurts! well my bloody gp is far too busy for the likes of me and my pain, so seeing practice nurse in an hour. this morning however, my ear has been leaking bloody and i still have this weird buzzing noise. feel asleep sitting on the chair in the kitchen for 5 mins earlier, that was odd. feel all spaced out from the codeine i took during the night and out of paracetamol.
why does it always have to be in the middle of the night tho? i dont get it. why cant it come on around lunchtime on a tuesday?
this is the 3rd week running i have been to gp's! more than i have gone in the last 3 years! they are gonna be fecking sick of me! that or think i'm munchausens! lmao
went to bed at half 12, took 2 paracetamol as it was hurting then, by half 1 i was in agony, so took 2 codeine and got another hot water bottle, after 15 mins i was in complete agony! never known anything like it, throbbing, bursting pain down my neck and into my head. paul woke up with my crying and rocking. he phone the outofhours gp, just as well have phoned to speaking fucking clock! take decongestant. havent got any, take ibuprofen. cant they make my stomach bleed. dont lay down. how will i sleep then? dont, you are in pain. no shit. get an icepack, will be better than heat. could you do anything? er no, go see your gp tomorrow IF it still hurts! well my bloody gp is far too busy for the likes of me and my pain, so seeing practice nurse in an hour. this morning however, my ear has been leaking bloody and i still have this weird buzzing noise. feel asleep sitting on the chair in the kitchen for 5 mins earlier, that was odd. feel all spaced out from the codeine i took during the night and out of paracetamol.
why does it always have to be in the middle of the night tho? i dont get it. why cant it come on around lunchtime on a tuesday?
this is the 3rd week running i have been to gp's! more than i have gone in the last 3 years! they are gonna be fecking sick of me! that or think i'm munchausens! lmao
Sunday, 2 March 2008
coughing
hurts!
i have chest infection, its mothers day, i should be having lovely day with the kids, but i have to cough from deep in my chesting, making my eyes water and my ears pop. not pretty. altho some of the lumps i've coughed up have been rather erm rainbowed!
paul has fallen asleep on the sofa with beau, and sparks has discovered x-files which makes me laugh as i now get never ending questions about it!
went over to toni's yesterday. clive has finished decorating the back room. paul and i helped her and clive reorganise it and it really looks lovely. i am also the proud owner of 2 collages by walter nessler of which i am very proud. i need to put a hook in the wall upstairs for the one and the smaller one with rocks and stuff on it is up in the lounge above the tv. toni's late husband, alex, was great friends with walter and she has LOTS of his paintings, sketches and collages. toni has put up one that he did of her in the back room, and the 2 nudes that are a pair are in the front room, one of them i absolutly love. it is just a charcoal one, but the lines are sweeping and generous, just like mine ;o)
toni took the children to the park and clive went home and brought along his daughters little dachshund, tallula, who was a total hit with everyone except sparky as she kept chasing him. i sooo want one, if nothing else, just to see paul with it on a lead!! lmao but in general, i just love them, my grandparents had them when i was small, and they are great dogs, even if they look a bit like ferrets! paul isnt so keen ;o)
i have lots of lush too, a girl can never have too much lush ;o) we were running low since valentines!! lol ok, maybe not low, but i do love a lush bath and so does paulee! had a comforter bath this morning which was great, tis my fav bubble bar. didnt get a sakura bath bomb, which is the cherry blossom one, but i can live without it, i think.
oh oh oh! was steves birthday yesterday, went over to see him on friday, hadnt seen him in an age, before beaus accident! took him his tshirt, you are nothing without your robot - nothing! which he loved and 4 tall cans of stella, he was made up. i also fell asleep on his bed, showing how ill i really am! anyone that knows steve is now going eeewww (actually it was clean) he is so sweet he played soft music to sooth me and took a photo to show his mates how he did get a woman into his bed! lmao! anyways, i called him yesterday, he was with rob who thought the tshirt was great, and totally phsl!! my work here is done :o)
going to go hunt some cough remedies from the kitchen, there has to be something.
i have chest infection, its mothers day, i should be having lovely day with the kids, but i have to cough from deep in my chesting, making my eyes water and my ears pop. not pretty. altho some of the lumps i've coughed up have been rather erm rainbowed!
paul has fallen asleep on the sofa with beau, and sparks has discovered x-files which makes me laugh as i now get never ending questions about it!
went over to toni's yesterday. clive has finished decorating the back room. paul and i helped her and clive reorganise it and it really looks lovely. i am also the proud owner of 2 collages by walter nessler of which i am very proud. i need to put a hook in the wall upstairs for the one and the smaller one with rocks and stuff on it is up in the lounge above the tv. toni's late husband, alex, was great friends with walter and she has LOTS of his paintings, sketches and collages. toni has put up one that he did of her in the back room, and the 2 nudes that are a pair are in the front room, one of them i absolutly love. it is just a charcoal one, but the lines are sweeping and generous, just like mine ;o)
toni took the children to the park and clive went home and brought along his daughters little dachshund, tallula, who was a total hit with everyone except sparky as she kept chasing him. i sooo want one, if nothing else, just to see paul with it on a lead!! lmao but in general, i just love them, my grandparents had them when i was small, and they are great dogs, even if they look a bit like ferrets! paul isnt so keen ;o)
i have lots of lush too, a girl can never have too much lush ;o) we were running low since valentines!! lol ok, maybe not low, but i do love a lush bath and so does paulee! had a comforter bath this morning which was great, tis my fav bubble bar. didnt get a sakura bath bomb, which is the cherry blossom one, but i can live without it, i think.
oh oh oh! was steves birthday yesterday, went over to see him on friday, hadnt seen him in an age, before beaus accident! took him his tshirt, you are nothing without your robot - nothing! which he loved and 4 tall cans of stella, he was made up. i also fell asleep on his bed, showing how ill i really am! anyone that knows steve is now going eeewww (actually it was clean) he is so sweet he played soft music to sooth me and took a photo to show his mates how he did get a woman into his bed! lmao! anyways, i called him yesterday, he was with rob who thought the tshirt was great, and totally phsl!! my work here is done :o)
going to go hunt some cough remedies from the kitchen, there has to be something.
Wednesday, 27 February 2008
busy week or so
since our exciting episode at the hospital now 10 days ago, thing just havent slowed down.
tuesday paul made me an emergency appt with the doctor (urgh urgh urgh didnt wanna go) about a lump in my armpit, doctor found another 2 in my right breast and i was refered for an emergency appt at the breast clinic. he and edz went back later that day, he for results of an xray on his lumpy knee and edz for check up on her ears. she had ear infections in both ears a few weeks ago and he put her on antihistamines (which she didnt take, just cut wheat and dairy out of her diet as i have done for years when she gets this) and her ears were clear. during the day i had the weekend of washing to catch up on and try to sort my house a bit!
wednesday we went to see eli and dan and toby and luca in guildford, which was luffly as we havent seen them since september when they had 3 of the children when we went to ireland, since then eli has fallen with child again and is looking a total goddess! paul wasnt feeling very well, coming down with stinking cold, so was dosed up with various cold and flu meds to get through the day. as always there was great food and great company, so he didnt mind too much ;o) all the children were cuddling the chicken, sweetie, as did i. she is just the cutest thing! sitting on shoulders and even letting beau and luca (both not yet 3) carry her around without too much protest. even though we dont see them often enough, it always seems like it was only last week that we did!
thursday and we went to tonis for lunch and sparks and edz were spending the night. cue very excited sparks as it was his first sleep over ever! toni total spoils my kids rotten, she got in cake for breakfast! we had our usual lunch of cheeses and cold meats and crackers and afternoon of talking and laughing, she always knows how to make a good day :o) i also managed to get my ticket for my trip to manchester and was told that i need not reserve a seat as it wouldnt be that busy. the hospital also rang and gave me an appt for monday morning. eekkkk that was quick!!
it was a quiet night, with only 3 of my kids at home that night, so we went out for dinner, only to sainsbos, but needed to get enough food for paul to last the weekend, and i would go shopping monday after my return.
friday, paul had a few hours work to do, river and chase did some chores whilst i sorted out my stuff for my trip. we had been planning to go for coffee in town, but the traffic was hideous so we went straight to the station and got coffee and cake there before catching the train.
that journey was reminicent of illegal cattle transport, or broiler chickens. people were packed into the carriages and in the corridors. lucklily only delayed by about 15 mins, which, on a 5 hour journey, wasnt too bad.
was met at manchester piccadilly by manda, whom i havent seen since we were 11, so, erm, many years ago!! she hasnt really changed a bit! the whole weekend we never really ran out of anything to talk about, between reminising about our families, our summers together, people that we know in ireland, to stories of her work, her grandparents, my kids, our lives, everything.
she took me over to see hinge and bracket, her grandparents, which was the main reason i went up there. bracket had a stomach cancer removed a short time ago and hinge is still smoking 100 fags a day and holding court. they now live with mandas mum, pat, so spent our time between there and their old house, where manda lives. a couple of hours was spent with bracket sat in the wicker laundry bin and me on a computer chair, talking about my fear of these lumps, she said i was allowed to worry, but not be scared. she had both removed 25 years ago, it doesnt worry her at all, said there was worse things that then big C.
also spent mucho time talking about ireland and now has me planning a month over there for the summer with the children. hinge and bracket will be there for most of august and end of july, so planning similar. hopefully catch up with my friend lisa in northern ireland too. paul can fly back and work and then return to bring us home. maybe even manda could come over and stop with us, that would be so much fun!
went out for dinner on sat'd night to a local pub, dog and partridge, which was nice. saw bracket eat more than she has eaten in the last month and only smoke 2 fags in the hour and half we were out!! hinge got to watch the whole of the ireland scotland rugby match in peace, made his day i think ;o) bracket also lost her lower dentures, but i think they are in someones pocket waiting to give them a fright ;o) tis the sorta thing she would do!!
sunday morning and manda friend Jackie popped back up (she had been over for a few hours friday night) which was great, she is a blast! and we all went up to pats to say goodbyes and pick up my care package, easter eggs for my kids, box of heros, bottle of whiskey and some cake, i went for a short walk with tilly (mandas niece) and popped in to see mandas aunt maureen. i dont think we had met before, but it was like i'd known her for ever. she reminded me a lot of her grandmother, whom i knew well in ireland and with whom she used to live when she was a child. she also knew my grandparents and the house that they owned.
after tears and promises of meeting up again soon, manda and jackie took my back to the station and deposited me on a train that was more packed than the one i arrived on, and only got worse! at birminham people were banging on the windows of the carriages shouting at people to move up, which they couldnt as there as no room!! it also broke down for nearly an hour near leamington spa. so the 5 hour journey was a 6 hour journey. i had a banging head ache and a smokers cough (even tho i dont smoke anymore!) and couldnt read my book as the words kept moving around.
paul and the kids met me at the station and turns out they had all had this coldy fluey thing whilst i was away (damn, i wasnt there to look after them, what a shame!) but it appeared that i was coming down with it (that'll teach me for being smug about it!). all were chuffed with their gifts too :o)
monday, nic picked up beau, took others to school and went straight to the hospital. after much poking and prodding, it was decided that it is all within the normal range, but have an open access for 6 months should they get any bigger or more of them. cue huge sigh of relief and paul tell me i have another appt in the morning with the doc re the stomach thing i have been at the out of hours doc/blue lighted to hospital over 4 times in the last year or so.
spent the rest of the day at nics sorting out her puter, which i think i made a little difference, but was planning on getting rocky over to do the rest on tuesday.
woke tuesday morning with a tight chest, coughing, sneezing, banging headache, dizzy, unable to see out of my right eye properly. oh yes i have this coldy/fluey thing and it aint nice. went to doctors and i am being booked for gastric camera thing to see what is going on and then possibly camera the other way. aarrrrgghhhh!!! this is why i have been avoiding it all for so many years, i dont want cameras.
rest of day was spent on the sofa under a blanket watching trashy tv with beau playing with sparks, who was also suffering with this cold, only not quite so much as he made out when he was sposed to be getting ready for school!!
today, bit better, taken lots of pain killers as i have to get cars and do work and stuff. beginning with getting beau ready so she can go off with nic when i have got the car from moordown, pick me up again from the unit to get more cars from christchurch. also gotta find time to get some shopping in too! there is nothing to feed my 5000 for dinner!! eekkkkk
tuesday paul made me an emergency appt with the doctor (urgh urgh urgh didnt wanna go) about a lump in my armpit, doctor found another 2 in my right breast and i was refered for an emergency appt at the breast clinic. he and edz went back later that day, he for results of an xray on his lumpy knee and edz for check up on her ears. she had ear infections in both ears a few weeks ago and he put her on antihistamines (which she didnt take, just cut wheat and dairy out of her diet as i have done for years when she gets this) and her ears were clear. during the day i had the weekend of washing to catch up on and try to sort my house a bit!
wednesday we went to see eli and dan and toby and luca in guildford, which was luffly as we havent seen them since september when they had 3 of the children when we went to ireland, since then eli has fallen with child again and is looking a total goddess! paul wasnt feeling very well, coming down with stinking cold, so was dosed up with various cold and flu meds to get through the day. as always there was great food and great company, so he didnt mind too much ;o) all the children were cuddling the chicken, sweetie, as did i. she is just the cutest thing! sitting on shoulders and even letting beau and luca (both not yet 3) carry her around without too much protest. even though we dont see them often enough, it always seems like it was only last week that we did!
thursday and we went to tonis for lunch and sparks and edz were spending the night. cue very excited sparks as it was his first sleep over ever! toni total spoils my kids rotten, she got in cake for breakfast! we had our usual lunch of cheeses and cold meats and crackers and afternoon of talking and laughing, she always knows how to make a good day :o) i also managed to get my ticket for my trip to manchester and was told that i need not reserve a seat as it wouldnt be that busy. the hospital also rang and gave me an appt for monday morning. eekkkk that was quick!!
it was a quiet night, with only 3 of my kids at home that night, so we went out for dinner, only to sainsbos, but needed to get enough food for paul to last the weekend, and i would go shopping monday after my return.
friday, paul had a few hours work to do, river and chase did some chores whilst i sorted out my stuff for my trip. we had been planning to go for coffee in town, but the traffic was hideous so we went straight to the station and got coffee and cake there before catching the train.
that journey was reminicent of illegal cattle transport, or broiler chickens. people were packed into the carriages and in the corridors. lucklily only delayed by about 15 mins, which, on a 5 hour journey, wasnt too bad.
was met at manchester piccadilly by manda, whom i havent seen since we were 11, so, erm, many years ago!! she hasnt really changed a bit! the whole weekend we never really ran out of anything to talk about, between reminising about our families, our summers together, people that we know in ireland, to stories of her work, her grandparents, my kids, our lives, everything.
she took me over to see hinge and bracket, her grandparents, which was the main reason i went up there. bracket had a stomach cancer removed a short time ago and hinge is still smoking 100 fags a day and holding court. they now live with mandas mum, pat, so spent our time between there and their old house, where manda lives. a couple of hours was spent with bracket sat in the wicker laundry bin and me on a computer chair, talking about my fear of these lumps, she said i was allowed to worry, but not be scared. she had both removed 25 years ago, it doesnt worry her at all, said there was worse things that then big C.
also spent mucho time talking about ireland and now has me planning a month over there for the summer with the children. hinge and bracket will be there for most of august and end of july, so planning similar. hopefully catch up with my friend lisa in northern ireland too. paul can fly back and work and then return to bring us home. maybe even manda could come over and stop with us, that would be so much fun!
went out for dinner on sat'd night to a local pub, dog and partridge, which was nice. saw bracket eat more than she has eaten in the last month and only smoke 2 fags in the hour and half we were out!! hinge got to watch the whole of the ireland scotland rugby match in peace, made his day i think ;o) bracket also lost her lower dentures, but i think they are in someones pocket waiting to give them a fright ;o) tis the sorta thing she would do!!
sunday morning and manda friend Jackie popped back up (she had been over for a few hours friday night) which was great, she is a blast! and we all went up to pats to say goodbyes and pick up my care package, easter eggs for my kids, box of heros, bottle of whiskey and some cake, i went for a short walk with tilly (mandas niece) and popped in to see mandas aunt maureen. i dont think we had met before, but it was like i'd known her for ever. she reminded me a lot of her grandmother, whom i knew well in ireland and with whom she used to live when she was a child. she also knew my grandparents and the house that they owned.
after tears and promises of meeting up again soon, manda and jackie took my back to the station and deposited me on a train that was more packed than the one i arrived on, and only got worse! at birminham people were banging on the windows of the carriages shouting at people to move up, which they couldnt as there as no room!! it also broke down for nearly an hour near leamington spa. so the 5 hour journey was a 6 hour journey. i had a banging head ache and a smokers cough (even tho i dont smoke anymore!) and couldnt read my book as the words kept moving around.
paul and the kids met me at the station and turns out they had all had this coldy fluey thing whilst i was away (damn, i wasnt there to look after them, what a shame!) but it appeared that i was coming down with it (that'll teach me for being smug about it!). all were chuffed with their gifts too :o)
monday, nic picked up beau, took others to school and went straight to the hospital. after much poking and prodding, it was decided that it is all within the normal range, but have an open access for 6 months should they get any bigger or more of them. cue huge sigh of relief and paul tell me i have another appt in the morning with the doc re the stomach thing i have been at the out of hours doc/blue lighted to hospital over 4 times in the last year or so.
spent the rest of the day at nics sorting out her puter, which i think i made a little difference, but was planning on getting rocky over to do the rest on tuesday.
woke tuesday morning with a tight chest, coughing, sneezing, banging headache, dizzy, unable to see out of my right eye properly. oh yes i have this coldy/fluey thing and it aint nice. went to doctors and i am being booked for gastric camera thing to see what is going on and then possibly camera the other way. aarrrrgghhhh!!! this is why i have been avoiding it all for so many years, i dont want cameras.
rest of day was spent on the sofa under a blanket watching trashy tv with beau playing with sparks, who was also suffering with this cold, only not quite so much as he made out when he was sposed to be getting ready for school!!
today, bit better, taken lots of pain killers as i have to get cars and do work and stuff. beginning with getting beau ready so she can go off with nic when i have got the car from moordown, pick me up again from the unit to get more cars from christchurch. also gotta find time to get some shopping in too! there is nothing to feed my 5000 for dinner!! eekkkkk
Tuesday, 19 February 2008
what a weekend!!
i decided i would be mega organised and sort out everything, plan stuff for everyday of the half term, it is the first half term the kids have had and i wanted to make it fun and busy.
we had friends due over for dinner on sunday, monday friends from swimming coming over for lunch and friends from our home ed group over for tea, today we were off to weymouth to see my late grandads girlfriend. none of it happened.
at the beginning the fridge was empty and i needed to get to the supermarket, river came with me and paul was going to clean out the fridge and clean the bathroom whilst i was out. river and i went to the cafe in sainsbos for coffee and cake and bumped into the mother of children river and eden went to school with when they were at their other school before home ed and this new school. we had a chat, exchanged numbers and promised of catching up next school break. then went off to do the weeks shopping.
had roast chicken planned and found 2 free range chooks, meant that i could make stock and then risotto for tea when we go back from weymouth today. got loads of salady stuff and jacket spuds and soups for meals yesterday and thursday after we had been to my friend tonis' for lunch.
i had written a list and got everything on it except my flaked chillis i need for my grinder, even stuff for me minus wheat to try and get rid of this swelling.
got to the till, chatting with the lady putting my stuff through about my plans of cleaning, cooking, feeding the 5000 and packing up my stuff into my bags, when river comes over with his phone, said it was his friend james' dad, it was paul, he said
"something has happened to beau, you have to get out of the shop now, she is unconcious."
i said something about sorry, something had happened to my little girl and ran.
trying really hard not to think about why or what had happened and not taking risks, but still driving too fast and making it in just about 4 mins.
when i got into my close, there was ambulance car, ambulance, paul and james dad steve by ambulance and paul crying, steve was white.
i jumped out without turning off engine (which river did i'm told) leaving car in the middle of the road, and ran to ambulance, steve saying "she is ok" and my tiny lil beau is laying on the stretcher with a tube in her mouth sucking stuff out, lines in her feet and blood running down her leg where they couldnt get a line in. paul was hysterical, in hindsight i should have let him in the ambulance to the hospital as he was a state, but i couldnt leave her. after a couple, maybe 5 mins at the most it was time to move her to A & E.
we blue lighted horn blaring driver swearing to poole hossy, she was moving and whinging, but very sleepily, not concious at all really. paul was there within a minute of us arriving. they let us stay. she had her clothes cut off and had heaters to warm her up.
i hear to story as paul retells it, he had been cleaning the bathroom upstairs, beau was watching harry potter (again) with ty on the sofa, there were kids in the garden, kids in the playroom, james and cam were here from 2 doors down. james said to chase something was wrong with beau in the kitchen, chase pulled her to bottom of stairs where she calls paul, who is on phone to rocky, he drops phone (turns out rocky heard all of the following until pauls phone was used again) and turns beau, who is now starting to turn blue, upside down and does gentle back slaps. runs outside to call for help from someone, one of the kids go and grab steve and ambulance is phoned, ty also phoned ambulance, penny (steves mum) comes up too, she ends up talking through steve what ambulance control is telling her, they move the food to one side and get air into her, but it is too tight to get out and she is having some gentle stomach compressions too as per what ambulance control were saying, this is all on the front grass/muddy area.
my kids and cam are inside my house and james (10) watched it all, all he could remember was recovery position, but that was needed, and he was there to help should anyone need him to grab something or anything, i dont think he realises what a help he really was. paul thought that she had gone, steve was telling him they were not going to let her go and all kinda thing. not only was steve working on beau, but also trying hard to keep paul from completely loosing the plot!
ambulance arrives, ambulance car arrives, they aspirate what they can (which turns out to be a fair bit of wafer thin chicken FOR THE CATS!) as i arrive.
another line in for getting some fluids in, the one in her foot is used for taking blood, she is put on O2, her pupils are dilated, contracting slowly and she in unresponsive. she has xrays and she becomes figity so i get on the gurney to keep her in one place and warm. xrays are showing swelling and that is normal for her situation. they really want her to wake up. she isnt planning on it. she also was making some weird noises with her throat so they are keeping options open as to whether they were going to get a camera down her throat under a general anesthetic and has a nebuliser with adrenaline in for about 20mins. the team of 10 goes down to 3, and eventually we are moved to high dependancy unit of the childrens ward. she is on oxygen, a drip with glucose, has a pulse ox in her toe, 3 sticky pads for heart rate, breathing and soemthing else that i cant remember, and a bp cuff. all i can think is she looks so small.
she starts to come around about 6pm, wants a cuddle and a drink and a wee (which she doesnt do) the pediatrician does some neurological tests which are all fine. the noise from her throat isnt so pronounced and as she stull needs some O2 they want to keep her in over night. i went home to get changed and see the kids and stuart who had come to take over from nicci who had taken over from a traumatised steve, all ok here except my kids pushing their luck, nothing new there!
i went back and paul came home to get changed and then came back with some KFC (grumble grumble moan - i wanted burger king) and stayed until about 1am, she had been awake for a couple of hours and had a wee in the potty, some weetabix and begged for some chippies (er no) after paul left, i dropped off to sleep holding her hand, the monitors kept waking her up and someone else was admitted to the next bed, which worried her a little so i got up and slept with her in the very small uncomfortable bed, which was lovely, she cuddled me and i her for the next few hours whilst we both slept on and off.
in the morning, she was fairly bright, the monitors and O2 has been stopped during the night, monitors kept waking her and o2 levels were stable at 95/96%. paul got there about 8am and the doctors came around soon after. they wanted a radiologist to look at the xrays, which they did around 4.30pm, and we spent a boring day waiting for this to happen, i got in an hours kip with her on her bed again and she had all her tubes and sticky stuff taken off.
follow up is xray in a few weeks to review and take it from there.
popped into tesco at the end of the road and steves wife, sharon, was on the lottery till just inside the door and she rushed over to me, leaving her till, shouting at her pal that *this* was *the* little girl! tears flowed, hugs all around. beau got steve a card with a flower and some flowers, red ones, coz she thought he would like them, all her own choices, also she got stuart some dog chews to give missy, coz (and i quote) "missy will love stuart for giving her them and that will make stuart a happy stuart".
after we got home, we popped down to steve, as i know he had been going out of his mind with worry, she gave him his flowers and card and wasnt at all the shy little girl she had been with sharon and everyone else that she knows that she saw more of than him, she just looked at him.
so there we have it, my little girl has an angel that lives in our street!! what steve did meant that the ambulance crew was working with a heartbeat ultimately. thank you doesnt even come close to covering it.
we had friends due over for dinner on sunday, monday friends from swimming coming over for lunch and friends from our home ed group over for tea, today we were off to weymouth to see my late grandads girlfriend. none of it happened.
at the beginning the fridge was empty and i needed to get to the supermarket, river came with me and paul was going to clean out the fridge and clean the bathroom whilst i was out. river and i went to the cafe in sainsbos for coffee and cake and bumped into the mother of children river and eden went to school with when they were at their other school before home ed and this new school. we had a chat, exchanged numbers and promised of catching up next school break. then went off to do the weeks shopping.
had roast chicken planned and found 2 free range chooks, meant that i could make stock and then risotto for tea when we go back from weymouth today. got loads of salady stuff and jacket spuds and soups for meals yesterday and thursday after we had been to my friend tonis' for lunch.
i had written a list and got everything on it except my flaked chillis i need for my grinder, even stuff for me minus wheat to try and get rid of this swelling.
got to the till, chatting with the lady putting my stuff through about my plans of cleaning, cooking, feeding the 5000 and packing up my stuff into my bags, when river comes over with his phone, said it was his friend james' dad, it was paul, he said
"something has happened to beau, you have to get out of the shop now, she is unconcious."
i said something about sorry, something had happened to my little girl and ran.
trying really hard not to think about why or what had happened and not taking risks, but still driving too fast and making it in just about 4 mins.
when i got into my close, there was ambulance car, ambulance, paul and james dad steve by ambulance and paul crying, steve was white.
i jumped out without turning off engine (which river did i'm told) leaving car in the middle of the road, and ran to ambulance, steve saying "she is ok" and my tiny lil beau is laying on the stretcher with a tube in her mouth sucking stuff out, lines in her feet and blood running down her leg where they couldnt get a line in. paul was hysterical, in hindsight i should have let him in the ambulance to the hospital as he was a state, but i couldnt leave her. after a couple, maybe 5 mins at the most it was time to move her to A & E.
we blue lighted horn blaring driver swearing to poole hossy, she was moving and whinging, but very sleepily, not concious at all really. paul was there within a minute of us arriving. they let us stay. she had her clothes cut off and had heaters to warm her up.
i hear to story as paul retells it, he had been cleaning the bathroom upstairs, beau was watching harry potter (again) with ty on the sofa, there were kids in the garden, kids in the playroom, james and cam were here from 2 doors down. james said to chase something was wrong with beau in the kitchen, chase pulled her to bottom of stairs where she calls paul, who is on phone to rocky, he drops phone (turns out rocky heard all of the following until pauls phone was used again) and turns beau, who is now starting to turn blue, upside down and does gentle back slaps. runs outside to call for help from someone, one of the kids go and grab steve and ambulance is phoned, ty also phoned ambulance, penny (steves mum) comes up too, she ends up talking through steve what ambulance control is telling her, they move the food to one side and get air into her, but it is too tight to get out and she is having some gentle stomach compressions too as per what ambulance control were saying, this is all on the front grass/muddy area.
my kids and cam are inside my house and james (10) watched it all, all he could remember was recovery position, but that was needed, and he was there to help should anyone need him to grab something or anything, i dont think he realises what a help he really was. paul thought that she had gone, steve was telling him they were not going to let her go and all kinda thing. not only was steve working on beau, but also trying hard to keep paul from completely loosing the plot!
ambulance arrives, ambulance car arrives, they aspirate what they can (which turns out to be a fair bit of wafer thin chicken FOR THE CATS!) as i arrive.
another line in for getting some fluids in, the one in her foot is used for taking blood, she is put on O2, her pupils are dilated, contracting slowly and she in unresponsive. she has xrays and she becomes figity so i get on the gurney to keep her in one place and warm. xrays are showing swelling and that is normal for her situation. they really want her to wake up. she isnt planning on it. she also was making some weird noises with her throat so they are keeping options open as to whether they were going to get a camera down her throat under a general anesthetic and has a nebuliser with adrenaline in for about 20mins. the team of 10 goes down to 3, and eventually we are moved to high dependancy unit of the childrens ward. she is on oxygen, a drip with glucose, has a pulse ox in her toe, 3 sticky pads for heart rate, breathing and soemthing else that i cant remember, and a bp cuff. all i can think is she looks so small.
she starts to come around about 6pm, wants a cuddle and a drink and a wee (which she doesnt do) the pediatrician does some neurological tests which are all fine. the noise from her throat isnt so pronounced and as she stull needs some O2 they want to keep her in over night. i went home to get changed and see the kids and stuart who had come to take over from nicci who had taken over from a traumatised steve, all ok here except my kids pushing their luck, nothing new there!
i went back and paul came home to get changed and then came back with some KFC (grumble grumble moan - i wanted burger king) and stayed until about 1am, she had been awake for a couple of hours and had a wee in the potty, some weetabix and begged for some chippies (er no) after paul left, i dropped off to sleep holding her hand, the monitors kept waking her up and someone else was admitted to the next bed, which worried her a little so i got up and slept with her in the very small uncomfortable bed, which was lovely, she cuddled me and i her for the next few hours whilst we both slept on and off.
in the morning, she was fairly bright, the monitors and O2 has been stopped during the night, monitors kept waking her and o2 levels were stable at 95/96%. paul got there about 8am and the doctors came around soon after. they wanted a radiologist to look at the xrays, which they did around 4.30pm, and we spent a boring day waiting for this to happen, i got in an hours kip with her on her bed again and she had all her tubes and sticky stuff taken off.
follow up is xray in a few weeks to review and take it from there.
popped into tesco at the end of the road and steves wife, sharon, was on the lottery till just inside the door and she rushed over to me, leaving her till, shouting at her pal that *this* was *the* little girl! tears flowed, hugs all around. beau got steve a card with a flower and some flowers, red ones, coz she thought he would like them, all her own choices, also she got stuart some dog chews to give missy, coz (and i quote) "missy will love stuart for giving her them and that will make stuart a happy stuart".
after we got home, we popped down to steve, as i know he had been going out of his mind with worry, she gave him his flowers and card and wasnt at all the shy little girl she had been with sharon and everyone else that she knows that she saw more of than him, she just looked at him.
so there we have it, my little girl has an angel that lives in our street!! what steve did meant that the ambulance crew was working with a heartbeat ultimately. thank you doesnt even come close to covering it.
Wednesday, 13 February 2008
i should be taking my kids to school
but instead i am doing stoopid quizes to see my chance of surviving a zombie apocalypse, thanks willowtrees!! ;o)
56%
56%
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
