i did finally get around to watching it and i totally and utterly loved it! gonna do all my housework, packing, cleaning, washing, cleaning and cooking super quick today so that i can watch it again!!
kids last day at school today, rivers last day there ever ever ever! too much to do and i'm running out of timmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! thats a cue to stop procrastinating and move my fat arse :o)
Tuesday, 22 July 2008
Monday, 21 July 2008
some puter time
and i'm taking full advantage of it!!
i've been packing and cleaning and sorting ready for hols. seems everything that i do, someone goes and undoes behind me! but i think i'm getting there. i spend a good couple of hours cleaning the car. oh what an exciting life i lead!! instead of allowing them to trash it in the next week, i am lucky enough to have another car which i filled with fuel (dear sweet gods! cost nearly £100!) and am slowing putting stuff i need in the holiday car and slowly getting there (she said just jinxing herself! lol).
i had planned to do a weeks juicing with a view to feel a bit more refreshed and ready for a week of chips and garlic mayo, but had a banging head yesterday and just needed some carbs. the water didnt take away the cravings for choclit!! so i wont be half a stone lighter for me hols! i'm just a fat cow mmmmmmooooooooowwwwww!
why why why has paul left the room and left the tv on??? does he think i want to watch dragon nest or what ever it is called? hhhmmmm where are you buttons??
went off to town today, i had some bills to pay before we go away and i wanted to get a few bits, my aunt wanted some henna, which reminds me that i have to print her out the distructions or she aint gonna know what to do with it!! they dont have the net, they only got mains water in the late 80's. the lovely flamesparrow came with us and we took beau and flamedaemon for a lil bit of lunch, and i had a £30 voucher for dotty p's and finally found something i liked in there! a blue leather handbag, i wanted a top in kingfisher blue (rather than kingfisher green) but found a bag instead! and it doesnt loose everything like the other bag i have YAY!! small things, i know ;o)
after dropping flame back at her car, beau and i went orf to b&q to get a new washing line that i now have to convince my husband that it is worth his while to errect and get down this one that keeps going wonking, gotta get that up on freecycle too! got rid of loads of stuff this weekend after paul and i cleaned out the garage yesterday. the house feels lighter already! also sorted the playroom as the kittens are escaping the rabbit run, so have now put a board up at the door, taken the futon bed out from under the bed, put waterproof sheet on the bed to prevent them ruining too much! they started on solids last week, it wont be long before we start finding poo!! oh i know how to live! rofl
on that note, i need to go a hunting for telly buttons, i cant stand the mumbling of these fools any longer .....
i've been packing and cleaning and sorting ready for hols. seems everything that i do, someone goes and undoes behind me! but i think i'm getting there. i spend a good couple of hours cleaning the car. oh what an exciting life i lead!! instead of allowing them to trash it in the next week, i am lucky enough to have another car which i filled with fuel (dear sweet gods! cost nearly £100!) and am slowing putting stuff i need in the holiday car and slowly getting there (she said just jinxing herself! lol).
i had planned to do a weeks juicing with a view to feel a bit more refreshed and ready for a week of chips and garlic mayo, but had a banging head yesterday and just needed some carbs. the water didnt take away the cravings for choclit!! so i wont be half a stone lighter for me hols! i'm just a fat cow mmmmmmooooooooowwwwww!
why why why has paul left the room and left the tv on??? does he think i want to watch dragon nest or what ever it is called? hhhmmmm where are you buttons??
went off to town today, i had some bills to pay before we go away and i wanted to get a few bits, my aunt wanted some henna, which reminds me that i have to print her out the distructions or she aint gonna know what to do with it!! they dont have the net, they only got mains water in the late 80's. the lovely flamesparrow came with us and we took beau and flamedaemon for a lil bit of lunch, and i had a £30 voucher for dotty p's and finally found something i liked in there! a blue leather handbag, i wanted a top in kingfisher blue (rather than kingfisher green) but found a bag instead! and it doesnt loose everything like the other bag i have YAY!! small things, i know ;o)
after dropping flame back at her car, beau and i went orf to b&q to get a new washing line that i now have to convince my husband that it is worth his while to errect and get down this one that keeps going wonking, gotta get that up on freecycle too! got rid of loads of stuff this weekend after paul and i cleaned out the garage yesterday. the house feels lighter already! also sorted the playroom as the kittens are escaping the rabbit run, so have now put a board up at the door, taken the futon bed out from under the bed, put waterproof sheet on the bed to prevent them ruining too much! they started on solids last week, it wont be long before we start finding poo!! oh i know how to live! rofl
on that note, i need to go a hunting for telly buttons, i cant stand the mumbling of these fools any longer .....
Wednesday, 16 July 2008
a waffle of stuff
following my last post, which to some may seem like a post of wallowing in self pity, is further waffle.
yes, the last post was depressed and i'm not much higher than i was. after all, my family still think i am a piece of shit to be walked over and lied about and i still find that almost impossible to deal with. another thing i find hard is that not one person that i know of would say "ya know what kevin, you are full of shit and maybe you should take some responsiblity for that person that is still, after all your child, you should maybe think that your daughter has suffered because of your failings as a parent" but nobody ever does or has.
i was that kid that people knew was being mistreated but were too afraid to say anything, didnt want to get involved. because of this, it has excused his actions. he did beat me, he did mistreat me, he did not parent me and he does not see that he failed as a parent or human being. never once has he been sorry for his actions, all he has is venom for me and everytime he directs it at me i feel it and suffer because of it.
i need to heal this. i gave him another chance and he chose to take that chance to hurt me further. how can one hate their own child so much? i really wasnt ever that bad.
i decided not to celebrate my birthday, after all, it wasnt like anyone in my family would remember, and true to form, noone did. a couple of friends sent texts (thank you XXX) and i went out to lunch with toni and paul and beau. beau wanted frankie and bennies and that was cool with me. it isnt a good place for me and toni, i seriously think we ought to sign up for sign language classes, at least she and i could communicate. i also think i should get my hearing sorted, if i gotta get a hearing aid, i gotta get one. i'm sick of shouting "speak to me!! speak up!! i can't bloody hear you!" paul and the kids gave me some gifts the next day. i really didnt want anything, but guitarhero aerosmith was nice to have someone buy me instead of getting it myself. oh and paul got me some herstyle straightener which are very good and make my hair look ggggrrrreat!
went out for dinner with toni and her fella jackie, down to the restaurant in poole park, mezza luna. had mozzarella and tomato for a starter and seafood kebabs with salad and saffron rice. john and i drank 2 bottles of wine and finished off with brandys and i kept up with the brandy when i got home, cue very large hangover on sunday.
i went up to the school for an open afternoon (why is it called that when half the teachers have fecked off?) and had brief chat with rivers teacher, he supported our plans of putting river through another year of middle school at broadstone with a view to extra tutition to help him get up to speed for 2ndry. which was what i needed to hear actually.
before that though, whilst on my travels, i had decided to drive past my grandfathers house, something i do rarely as it hurts. as i pulled into the road, i spotted my grandmothers best friend, anne. so parked up and took beau over to have a quick chat with her. she only lives over the road, so we went back to the car and drove around and went in for tea and biscuits and beau had some squash too. we talked of my grandmother, how much we missed her, of the cruelty of my father, of our home - ireland and of her husband. was a nice and unexpected afternoon. i never did get to drive past his house, but what did happen made me happy instead of sad.
this evening i have just returned from the year 7 (rivers year) production of mcbeth and talent show. greg, rivers best friend, completely ignored me, think that was because i had a go at him about he and river smoking. he must have thought he was getting away with it, but i couldnt have that. i am angry at upset that they thought to do it. only that morning (friday) did we find out that river had a place in broadstone middle along with greg. they both seemed so happy and then they go and do something fecking stoopid like that! aaarrgghhh!!
as a consiquence of this, i havent smoked since sat'd.
yes, the last post was depressed and i'm not much higher than i was. after all, my family still think i am a piece of shit to be walked over and lied about and i still find that almost impossible to deal with. another thing i find hard is that not one person that i know of would say "ya know what kevin, you are full of shit and maybe you should take some responsiblity for that person that is still, after all your child, you should maybe think that your daughter has suffered because of your failings as a parent" but nobody ever does or has.
i was that kid that people knew was being mistreated but were too afraid to say anything, didnt want to get involved. because of this, it has excused his actions. he did beat me, he did mistreat me, he did not parent me and he does not see that he failed as a parent or human being. never once has he been sorry for his actions, all he has is venom for me and everytime he directs it at me i feel it and suffer because of it.
i need to heal this. i gave him another chance and he chose to take that chance to hurt me further. how can one hate their own child so much? i really wasnt ever that bad.
i decided not to celebrate my birthday, after all, it wasnt like anyone in my family would remember, and true to form, noone did. a couple of friends sent texts (thank you XXX) and i went out to lunch with toni and paul and beau. beau wanted frankie and bennies and that was cool with me. it isnt a good place for me and toni, i seriously think we ought to sign up for sign language classes, at least she and i could communicate. i also think i should get my hearing sorted, if i gotta get a hearing aid, i gotta get one. i'm sick of shouting "speak to me!! speak up!! i can't bloody hear you!" paul and the kids gave me some gifts the next day. i really didnt want anything, but guitarhero aerosmith was nice to have someone buy me instead of getting it myself. oh and paul got me some herstyle straightener which are very good and make my hair look ggggrrrreat!
went out for dinner with toni and her fella jackie, down to the restaurant in poole park, mezza luna. had mozzarella and tomato for a starter and seafood kebabs with salad and saffron rice. john and i drank 2 bottles of wine and finished off with brandys and i kept up with the brandy when i got home, cue very large hangover on sunday.
i went up to the school for an open afternoon (why is it called that when half the teachers have fecked off?) and had brief chat with rivers teacher, he supported our plans of putting river through another year of middle school at broadstone with a view to extra tutition to help him get up to speed for 2ndry. which was what i needed to hear actually.
before that though, whilst on my travels, i had decided to drive past my grandfathers house, something i do rarely as it hurts. as i pulled into the road, i spotted my grandmothers best friend, anne. so parked up and took beau over to have a quick chat with her. she only lives over the road, so we went back to the car and drove around and went in for tea and biscuits and beau had some squash too. we talked of my grandmother, how much we missed her, of the cruelty of my father, of our home - ireland and of her husband. was a nice and unexpected afternoon. i never did get to drive past his house, but what did happen made me happy instead of sad.
this evening i have just returned from the year 7 (rivers year) production of mcbeth and talent show. greg, rivers best friend, completely ignored me, think that was because i had a go at him about he and river smoking. he must have thought he was getting away with it, but i couldnt have that. i am angry at upset that they thought to do it. only that morning (friday) did we find out that river had a place in broadstone middle along with greg. they both seemed so happy and then they go and do something fecking stoopid like that! aaarrgghhh!!
as a consiquence of this, i havent smoked since sat'd.
Monday, 7 July 2008
i could tell
that something bad was brewing for me, i just knew it. then, last night out on the step having a rolly paul tells me my grandfathers house is up for sale. a year ago on my birthday paul went and said to my father that we were interested in buying it. now if you know anything about my father, you know he hates me for a whole host of completly fabricated reasons. i am not after any of my grandfathers money, but i feel that i was lied to for years being promised that my children and i would be "all right" when he died. he left me £5,000 and my father is now worth 2 million, i asked for a couple of bits of furniture that had been promised to me when bert was alive and my father said he had to sell them to pay the death duties. we live in a rented house because my grandfather advised us against buying, all part of the being "all right" bullshit. i was more like a daughter to my grandparents and my father hates, yes really hates-with-gritted-teeth me. he ignores my children, what did they do to deserve it? be my children. my jewellery that was my grandmothers, never made it to me in berts lifetime, so my father has now sold it. there is nothing here that i can look at and think, yea my grandparents owned that. nothing to remind me that once someone did love me.
anyways, we look up the house on the net and find that it is for sale on tender in by noon on my birthday. see the whole hate-with-gritted-teeth thing?
how am i suposed to feel? apart from hurt, angry, more hurt? it is his intention. he could have helped us, he could have made up for the years of abuse i suffered whilst he lived with my mother. the years of pain i suffered because my brother (not even his child) have everything, clothes, toys, money, love that i never have and still, i'm 35 in less than 2 days and he is still abusing me. still finding a way to punish me for being born.
i wish i hadnt been, i wish i had killed her and me with my birth. at least my own family would have thought of me with love.
i am nothing. never have been to anyone.
anyways, we look up the house on the net and find that it is for sale on tender in by noon on my birthday. see the whole hate-with-gritted-teeth thing?
how am i suposed to feel? apart from hurt, angry, more hurt? it is his intention. he could have helped us, he could have made up for the years of abuse i suffered whilst he lived with my mother. the years of pain i suffered because my brother (not even his child) have everything, clothes, toys, money, love that i never have and still, i'm 35 in less than 2 days and he is still abusing me. still finding a way to punish me for being born.
i wish i hadnt been, i wish i had killed her and me with my birth. at least my own family would have thought of me with love.
i am nothing. never have been to anyone.
Sunday, 15 June 2008
tharfers day
is what was written in one of paulees cards today, made me chuckle so thought i'd blog it :o) we got him lush and some books and kids made some cards.
other than that, i'm going to moan. my stomach has been cramping and churning and generally achy and painful for the last 5 hours. i am going to take some codine i think, i dont know what else to do. went out to kingston lacy for lunch, but was raining and busy and i didnt have the nation trust card on me, so went to go to pamphill dairy, but my stomach was killing so paul said lets go home, so we did. got the kids evil KFC on the way back and kids now fed and happy. and i'm still in fecking pain.
got the b & b's sorted for ireland, staying in one the night we arrive there and one before we catch ferry back, paul doesnt like to do it all in one day and i'm totally with him, i remember being so pissed off being stuck in the car for 6 hours, then ferry for 5 then another 6 the other side, mostly only stopping to eat the sandwich prepared the day before. the first time we went over together we did it in one go, left really early and ended up catching the earlier ferry over. this was great, getting to ireland at 6am instead of 12.30 or what ever it was, but kids and paul were all really tired and slept as i drove across ireland. i hadnt slept either, not much the few days before either. and my husband had the bare faced cheek to have a moan that i fell asleep at 7pm that night!!
maud and her babies are all doing fine. she has come out a few times to eat and go to the litter tray, eating well and proud of her pretty babes :o)
other than that, i'm going to moan. my stomach has been cramping and churning and generally achy and painful for the last 5 hours. i am going to take some codine i think, i dont know what else to do. went out to kingston lacy for lunch, but was raining and busy and i didnt have the nation trust card on me, so went to go to pamphill dairy, but my stomach was killing so paul said lets go home, so we did. got the kids evil KFC on the way back and kids now fed and happy. and i'm still in fecking pain.
got the b & b's sorted for ireland, staying in one the night we arrive there and one before we catch ferry back, paul doesnt like to do it all in one day and i'm totally with him, i remember being so pissed off being stuck in the car for 6 hours, then ferry for 5 then another 6 the other side, mostly only stopping to eat the sandwich prepared the day before. the first time we went over together we did it in one go, left really early and ended up catching the earlier ferry over. this was great, getting to ireland at 6am instead of 12.30 or what ever it was, but kids and paul were all really tired and slept as i drove across ireland. i hadnt slept either, not much the few days before either. and my husband had the bare faced cheek to have a moan that i fell asleep at 7pm that night!!
maud and her babies are all doing fine. she has come out a few times to eat and go to the litter tray, eating well and proud of her pretty babes :o)
Saturday, 14 June 2008
babies!
maud had her kittens on thursday evening, i knew it couldnt be long!!!
she had 4, we discovered her just as no 4 was born, but she was so tired at this stage, she didnt show any interest in it when it was born and after a few minutes i kind shoved it towards her and she started cleaning it etc, but was too late and the lil one never breathed :o(
she is happily feeding and cleaning and cuddling the others now, making sure she had plenty of food, i go in every so often and she will leave the crate and go to the litter box or eat something. not keen on doing it if she is alone tho.
we have one white with ginger splodges and tail currently known as spider-pig, one torty and white like her with the very tip of her tail white and there is a ginger flash on her face so flash is kinda sticking as a name and the last is black with grey strips between the eyes and on his side, he is shadow and my fav :o)the last one was all black, so a bit gutted at the cruelty of life, but thats the way it is i guess.
pix to follow :o)
she had 4, we discovered her just as no 4 was born, but she was so tired at this stage, she didnt show any interest in it when it was born and after a few minutes i kind shoved it towards her and she started cleaning it etc, but was too late and the lil one never breathed :o(
she is happily feeding and cleaning and cuddling the others now, making sure she had plenty of food, i go in every so often and she will leave the crate and go to the litter box or eat something. not keen on doing it if she is alone tho.
we have one white with ginger splodges and tail currently known as spider-pig, one torty and white like her with the very tip of her tail white and there is a ginger flash on her face so flash is kinda sticking as a name and the last is black with grey strips between the eyes and on his side, he is shadow and my fav :o)the last one was all black, so a bit gutted at the cruelty of life, but thats the way it is i guess.
pix to follow :o)
Thursday, 12 June 2008
yay! hols are booked!!
finally got the ferry booked today! i have been putting it off and forgetting and just not getting around to it since i decided to buy a car instead of a month in ireland, but now tis done AND i managed to save the price of the kids ferry fares, no not by leaving them behind, altho i am tempted, but by getting a deal with irish ferries!! woohoo!! looks like i am keeping the voyager until then at least.
talking of the voyager, had that into chrysler this week as last week i couldnt get the key to move in the lock, the ignition had siezed which is a common enough fault. tis done now and should last until we get back from ireland at least, which is good coz it is the perfect holiday vehicle.
gotta go up to school later as river had a letter home last night. the letter says that river acted dangerously, putting himself and others in danger with a chair. he says he was sitting on it as a lunchlady said he could, he was then told to move and when he said he could sit there it all kicked off. so going to see to dep head about that and some other incidences that have been happening, the cricket teacher taking the piss, a teacher threatening him and his nemisis that pretends to be mates with him and gets him into trouble.
i hate school and i wish i could home ed, but life is too short to spend all my time teaching them and to be properly educated you need structure with doesnt work when it adds me and my kids to the mix, so they are in school and i am at home. i was thinking about this yesterday when over with another ex-home edder. her child also asked to go to school as he knew he required more than was possible to get at home. i have heard all the arguments about how autonomous home ed is sposed to work, but it doesnt. at all. i was selfish keeping the children at home for so long when it clearly wasnt working. they needed to learn to read much earlier, they need to feedback from other children and a tinpot home ed group doesnt cut it.
i've been baking lots, made paulee a choclit mallow cake with double cream and raspberries for his burpday, made some choclit cinnimon merange and orange faery cakes which were divine with some lemon sorbet!
HFC (hatty fried chicken) tonight, my own secret recipe of herbs and spices coating freerange chicken legs and fried. served with greek salad and garlic mayo. i was going to make bread and butter pudding coz i have fancied it for ages, but dont have any stalish bread. never mind.
mauds babies have gotta be born soon, or she is gonna pop i swear it!! i have prepared her nest, aka a crate with some blankets and old towel in, put it in a shady corner of my room behind my clothes horse, i mean exercise bike ;o) also put her a litter tray in the ensuite and she has used both, so i dont think it can be far off now.
think the post has just come and with it (and a bit of luck) a letter telling me what i have to do to get my new washing machine, the other (which is only a year old!) has the bearings gone, so the insurance have said we can have a new one!! woohoo!! i just wanna wash me whites!!
talking of the voyager, had that into chrysler this week as last week i couldnt get the key to move in the lock, the ignition had siezed which is a common enough fault. tis done now and should last until we get back from ireland at least, which is good coz it is the perfect holiday vehicle.
gotta go up to school later as river had a letter home last night. the letter says that river acted dangerously, putting himself and others in danger with a chair. he says he was sitting on it as a lunchlady said he could, he was then told to move and when he said he could sit there it all kicked off. so going to see to dep head about that and some other incidences that have been happening, the cricket teacher taking the piss, a teacher threatening him and his nemisis that pretends to be mates with him and gets him into trouble.
i hate school and i wish i could home ed, but life is too short to spend all my time teaching them and to be properly educated you need structure with doesnt work when it adds me and my kids to the mix, so they are in school and i am at home. i was thinking about this yesterday when over with another ex-home edder. her child also asked to go to school as he knew he required more than was possible to get at home. i have heard all the arguments about how autonomous home ed is sposed to work, but it doesnt. at all. i was selfish keeping the children at home for so long when it clearly wasnt working. they needed to learn to read much earlier, they need to feedback from other children and a tinpot home ed group doesnt cut it.
i've been baking lots, made paulee a choclit mallow cake with double cream and raspberries for his burpday, made some choclit cinnimon merange and orange faery cakes which were divine with some lemon sorbet!
HFC (hatty fried chicken) tonight, my own secret recipe of herbs and spices coating freerange chicken legs and fried. served with greek salad and garlic mayo. i was going to make bread and butter pudding coz i have fancied it for ages, but dont have any stalish bread. never mind.
mauds babies have gotta be born soon, or she is gonna pop i swear it!! i have prepared her nest, aka a crate with some blankets and old towel in, put it in a shady corner of my room behind my clothes horse, i mean exercise bike ;o) also put her a litter tray in the ensuite and she has used both, so i dont think it can be far off now.
think the post has just come and with it (and a bit of luck) a letter telling me what i have to do to get my new washing machine, the other (which is only a year old!) has the bearings gone, so the insurance have said we can have a new one!! woohoo!! i just wanna wash me whites!!
Sunday, 25 May 2008
oh no!
panic! the mac has broken!! and i'm religated to using one of the kids pc's. has a stoopid keyboard that i believe belonged to my mil once before she felt that buy another new computer she didnt know how to use was imperative to her survival and pretending her grandchilden that i mothered dont exisit. still, i'm sure it wont be long before the shit hits the fan and everyone is left wondering wtf happened. i'll blog about it as the walls turn brown, promise ;o)
in other news, i saw my half brother martin this week. told him who is real father is, as our mother has chosen to lie to him again. as i was privvy to this information, i felt it my duty to pass it along. i did tell her that i would if she chose not to. turns out her husband had a *heart attack* that morning (wednesday) but i'm very sceptical, the man is so full of shit it comes out each time he talks.
kids are on weeks hols from school, the spring half term. river has a project to complete, 2 actually as he was doing his "if i ignore it it will go away" bullshit wilson thing and not doing his homework. so he is set 4 hours work a day during the break. it is actually easier to get him to do this work than when he was home educated. mostly because he has direction and motivation, both were lacking with home ed and those around us supporting that way of education. i can now see that autonomous learning is, for the most part, bollox. i really failed my kids by not pushing our lives into a stuctured approach as that is the only way children learn all they need to. i am going to be looking into getting river a tutor to get him up to speed and hopefully repair some of the damage autonomous learning has done.
right i hate this keyboard so i'm off to sainsbos for coffee and organic chickens!!
in other news, i saw my half brother martin this week. told him who is real father is, as our mother has chosen to lie to him again. as i was privvy to this information, i felt it my duty to pass it along. i did tell her that i would if she chose not to. turns out her husband had a *heart attack* that morning (wednesday) but i'm very sceptical, the man is so full of shit it comes out each time he talks.
kids are on weeks hols from school, the spring half term. river has a project to complete, 2 actually as he was doing his "if i ignore it it will go away" bullshit wilson thing and not doing his homework. so he is set 4 hours work a day during the break. it is actually easier to get him to do this work than when he was home educated. mostly because he has direction and motivation, both were lacking with home ed and those around us supporting that way of education. i can now see that autonomous learning is, for the most part, bollox. i really failed my kids by not pushing our lives into a stuctured approach as that is the only way children learn all they need to. i am going to be looking into getting river a tutor to get him up to speed and hopefully repair some of the damage autonomous learning has done.
right i hate this keyboard so i'm off to sainsbos for coffee and organic chickens!!
Wednesday, 21 May 2008
tagged ....
been tagged by the lovely willow :o)
most of these are fairly clear i think ;o)
1) How would you describe yourself?
dancing in a lesbian bar - jonathan richman
2) What do you like in a bloke?
love junky - nick harper
3) What is your motto?
i'm affected - the ramones
4) What do your friends think of you?
psycho - system of a down/
hard headed woman - cat stevens
5) What do you think about often?
song to the siren - tim buckley
6) What do your parents think of you?
there is no home for you here - white stripes
7) What do you think of your best friend?
pretty fly for a white guy - offspring
8) What do you think of the person you like?
dancing barefoot- patti smith
9) What do you want to be when you grow up?
i want to be a hippy - technohead
10) What do you think when you see the person you like?
an occasional dream - dave bowie
11) What song will they play at your wedding?
march of the mad scientist - jethro tull
12) What will they play at your funeral?
lifes a long song - jethro tull
13) What is your hobby/interest?
even flow -pearl jam
14) What is your biggest fear?
clash with reality - pantera
down with the sickness - disturbed
15) What is your biggest secret?
bad speech - roy harper and jimmy page
16) What do you think of your friends?
pure morning -placebo
17) What is your theme song?
clean - depeche mode
jacky - marc almond
18) What do you think of your family?
i could die for you - red hot chili peppers
19) What is your best friend's theme song?
daysleeper - rem
same jeans - the fray
20) What is your mood right now?
roll your own - jethro tull
21) If your heart could talk what would it say?
anarchy in the uk - the sex pistols
22) What do your co-workers think of you?
psycho - system of a down
23) What does your future look like?
sunday morning - the velvet underground
tagging flame ;op
most of these are fairly clear i think ;o)
1) How would you describe yourself?
dancing in a lesbian bar - jonathan richman
2) What do you like in a bloke?
love junky - nick harper
3) What is your motto?
i'm affected - the ramones
4) What do your friends think of you?
psycho - system of a down/
hard headed woman - cat stevens
5) What do you think about often?
song to the siren - tim buckley
6) What do your parents think of you?
there is no home for you here - white stripes
7) What do you think of your best friend?
pretty fly for a white guy - offspring
8) What do you think of the person you like?
dancing barefoot- patti smith
9) What do you want to be when you grow up?
i want to be a hippy - technohead
10) What do you think when you see the person you like?
an occasional dream - dave bowie
11) What song will they play at your wedding?
march of the mad scientist - jethro tull
12) What will they play at your funeral?
lifes a long song - jethro tull
13) What is your hobby/interest?
even flow -pearl jam
14) What is your biggest fear?
clash with reality - pantera
down with the sickness - disturbed
15) What is your biggest secret?
bad speech - roy harper and jimmy page
16) What do you think of your friends?
pure morning -placebo
17) What is your theme song?
clean - depeche mode
jacky - marc almond
18) What do you think of your family?
i could die for you - red hot chili peppers
19) What is your best friend's theme song?
daysleeper - rem
same jeans - the fray
20) What is your mood right now?
roll your own - jethro tull
21) If your heart could talk what would it say?
anarchy in the uk - the sex pistols
22) What do your co-workers think of you?
psycho - system of a down
23) What does your future look like?
sunday morning - the velvet underground
tagging flame ;op
Tuesday, 20 May 2008
new babies!!
seems like maud, my beautiful lil kittycat is preggers! she is very sleepy and hungry and growing huge at an alarmly fast rate. just spoke to my mate nic and her cat had her 3 kittens at the weekend, all black and white and fluffy and looking like their mammy :o) cant wait to go visit, get beau into the idea of babycats that cannot be cuddled YET!!
what else?
erm, beau is still loving playgroup. i know she misses the guys (her collective name for her brothers and sisters) when they are at school and even has chase as her invisible friend when she is here alone. how cute is that???? she has settled better than any of the others did, not worrying at all when i say goodbye *sniff* but she is happy and i guess that is what counts.
this bloody hiatus hernia is giving me shit the last few days. getting a bit scared to eat as it seems to be worse when i do, but still uncomfortable when i dont. so going with the eating very little and have lost half a stone in the last couple of weeks, so not knocking it :o) just need to start using some of the exercise equiment i have, bike, cross trainer, mini tram and ab-deck thing. i should have a size 10 toned body, if these things worked by just owning them!! lmao
went to town with edz and beau yesterday, needed to do a lush shop and popped down to next and bhs, got edz some school skirts from bhs and edz a mini skirt, chase a tshirt, river a tshirt and me 2 tops, a skirt and a pair of crop trews. the skirt i saw when it had just come into the shop and pointed it out to paulee, he quickly escorted me out of the shop, but yesterday edz saw it and ran up to me saying "hatty! you HAVE to buy this!!" so i did :o) and it is gorg!! pink and cream with paisley in gold, looks great and i hope that dropping a few more lbs and will look even better!!
gotta get back on the phone to sort rivers 2ndry school. i did leave a message, but havent been rung back, so will chase up again after 2pm as i suspect (being a government office) they will have exetended lunch times ;o)
planning on getting my spinning wheel out of the garage this week, fixing it and washing some of the fleece i have in the shed and start spinning again. also planning on getting some more patterns and making more clothes. i did enjoy it and so did edz, so i should expand on that, should i not?
more washing needs to go on, only the 5th load. or is it the 6th? 6th i think. might mop the floors too. whilst beau is sleeping and not likely to walk on it.
amor mundi
what else?
erm, beau is still loving playgroup. i know she misses the guys (her collective name for her brothers and sisters) when they are at school and even has chase as her invisible friend when she is here alone. how cute is that???? she has settled better than any of the others did, not worrying at all when i say goodbye *sniff* but she is happy and i guess that is what counts.
this bloody hiatus hernia is giving me shit the last few days. getting a bit scared to eat as it seems to be worse when i do, but still uncomfortable when i dont. so going with the eating very little and have lost half a stone in the last couple of weeks, so not knocking it :o) just need to start using some of the exercise equiment i have, bike, cross trainer, mini tram and ab-deck thing. i should have a size 10 toned body, if these things worked by just owning them!! lmao
went to town with edz and beau yesterday, needed to do a lush shop and popped down to next and bhs, got edz some school skirts from bhs and edz a mini skirt, chase a tshirt, river a tshirt and me 2 tops, a skirt and a pair of crop trews. the skirt i saw when it had just come into the shop and pointed it out to paulee, he quickly escorted me out of the shop, but yesterday edz saw it and ran up to me saying "hatty! you HAVE to buy this!!" so i did :o) and it is gorg!! pink and cream with paisley in gold, looks great and i hope that dropping a few more lbs and will look even better!!
gotta get back on the phone to sort rivers 2ndry school. i did leave a message, but havent been rung back, so will chase up again after 2pm as i suspect (being a government office) they will have exetended lunch times ;o)
planning on getting my spinning wheel out of the garage this week, fixing it and washing some of the fleece i have in the shed and start spinning again. also planning on getting some more patterns and making more clothes. i did enjoy it and so did edz, so i should expand on that, should i not?
more washing needs to go on, only the 5th load. or is it the 6th? 6th i think. might mop the floors too. whilst beau is sleeping and not likely to walk on it.
amor mundi
Monday, 12 May 2008
moochy monday
after tearing around trying to get to the field and bea and the pones for 10, i was still late! we havent been to the field for about 18 months and lots had changed, for a start there is a caravan and a very nice one too!! placed in the perfect spot to catch all the breezes, be pleasent enough to sit in, not too blowy or too hot and all mod cons, kettle, sofas and vanilla redbush tea which was ooooo sooooo yummy!! 
we started our visit with some grooming of madam moon and muttley. beau was very insistant that moon was HER horse, altho i am convinced tis the other way around, when beau and moon were first introduced beau was less than 2 months old, in her carry car seat that i place on the ground of the field and moon stuck her head in thinking it was a bucket (er no, thats my baby moon!) and the cutest thing was, not only did they get a good look at each other, just cm's apart, but moon, very gently and carefully, explored beaus fingers and toes with her lips, decided grass was much nicer and munch on :o) beau has never shown any fear of her since. we do go to the heavy horse centre in verwood and she has often shyed away at the horses when close up or they have gone to investigate beau, but never done it with madam moon.
after moon and muttley were prettied a bit, bea offered to let me have a bit of a ride around the field (been a LONG time since i went any distance on a pone!) and tacked her up for me. t'was lovely, gentle walking around the field dum de dum when moon decided it wasnt exciting enough and started to canter, ooo eck! from across the other side of the field bea is shouting orders to me and moon, moon to woah and me to sit straight, straighten my back, put my heals down or i'm gonna be on me arse. the fence (with bea and beau the otherside of it) is fast approaching and moon does a full stop, quickly but without stalling, when she comes head to head with her mammy! i was rolling in my saddle with laughter, and she didnt put me off ;o)
we returned pones to field and went for a spot of lunch in the caravan and a lovely chat and vanilla tea mmmmmmmm beau gave the remains (which wasnt much) to the chooks and was chuffed to pieces with the photos we took :o) so big thanks from me and the beaubeaus to bea for putting up with us!! we had a lovely time! thank you!!! xxxx
after saying our goodbyes and promises to come and disturb the peace at the field during half term with my minions, i raced back over to get the guys from school, then back to pop some washing out on the line to catch the last of the afternoon sun in the garden and pop some jacket tatters in the oven for dinner after swimming which was our next stop!! my friend, brina, that i met at swimming and it was because of her lickle baby son, harvey, who is now a terror on 2 feet, was pleased to see us as we were pleased to see her too! harvey actually walked to me, arms out for a cuddle!!! awww
tomorrow is beaubaleeze first full morning on her own at playgroup and i hope she is happy, coz i have a shed load of things to be doing whilst she is there!! lol
we started our visit with some grooming of madam moon and muttley. beau was very insistant that moon was HER horse, altho i am convinced tis the other way around, when beau and moon were first introduced beau was less than 2 months old, in her carry car seat that i place on the ground of the field and moon stuck her head in thinking it was a bucket (er no, thats my baby moon!) and the cutest thing was, not only did they get a good look at each other, just cm's apart, but moon, very gently and carefully, explored beaus fingers and toes with her lips, decided grass was much nicer and munch on :o) beau has never shown any fear of her since. we do go to the heavy horse centre in verwood and she has often shyed away at the horses when close up or they have gone to investigate beau, but never done it with madam moon.
after moon and muttley were prettied a bit, bea offered to let me have a bit of a ride around the field (been a LONG time since i went any distance on a pone!) and tacked her up for me. t'was lovely, gentle walking around the field dum de dum when moon decided it wasnt exciting enough and started to canter, ooo eck! from across the other side of the field bea is shouting orders to me and moon, moon to woah and me to sit straight, straighten my back, put my heals down or i'm gonna be on me arse. the fence (with bea and beau the otherside of it) is fast approaching and moon does a full stop, quickly but without stalling, when she comes head to head with her mammy! i was rolling in my saddle with laughter, and she didnt put me off ;o)
we returned pones to field and went for a spot of lunch in the caravan and a lovely chat and vanilla tea mmmmmmmm beau gave the remains (which wasnt much) to the chooks and was chuffed to pieces with the photos we took :o) so big thanks from me and the beaubeaus to bea for putting up with us!! we had a lovely time! thank you!!! xxxxafter saying our goodbyes and promises to come and disturb the peace at the field during half term with my minions, i raced back over to get the guys from school, then back to pop some washing out on the line to catch the last of the afternoon sun in the garden and pop some jacket tatters in the oven for dinner after swimming which was our next stop!! my friend, brina, that i met at swimming and it was because of her lickle baby son, harvey, who is now a terror on 2 feet, was pleased to see us as we were pleased to see her too! harvey actually walked to me, arms out for a cuddle!!! awww
tomorrow is beaubaleeze first full morning on her own at playgroup and i hope she is happy, coz i have a shed load of things to be doing whilst she is there!! lol
Thursday, 8 May 2008
home
what defines a home?
aparently not where the majority of your siblings are, not where you end up when all else has gone tits up in your life, not somewhere that people have been fighting for most of your life to see you more, not where you have been forgiven time after time. home is where you walk all over people and get what you want because you are the centre of the universe.
word according to tyler. this isnt his home.
thanks.
aparently not where the majority of your siblings are, not where you end up when all else has gone tits up in your life, not somewhere that people have been fighting for most of your life to see you more, not where you have been forgiven time after time. home is where you walk all over people and get what you want because you are the centre of the universe.
word according to tyler. this isnt his home.
thanks.
tylerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
monday last week, paul gets a call from taz at her wits end. tyler had called her to *Tell* he is was sleeping at his mates. she said no, he told her again he was. there ensued a huge row and she wanted paul to go get tyler, paul told tyler to go home and that he wasnt coming to get him as i was at a neighbours bodyshop party, i never get to go out and he knew i would have had a couple of glasses of wine (cue me barely being able to walk home 2 doors away!) and tyler went home, taz gave him huge bollocking and decided he needed to come to us for a couple of weeks. tuesday he comes over and also messes up and school and get excluded for the day wednesday, so has to spend the day with me. also coming to light is tyler taking his mothers creditcard and buying something for his game he plays online, what he thought was about a fiver ended up being around £80!!!! he had slipped a £20 into her wallet, because he felt bad. i went mental. i now have, not just a rude manipulative little gobshite in my house, but a liar and theif too!! yea, bound to make for a happy hatty!!! ggggrrrrrr
anyways, the excluded day goes without hitch, get loads of cleaning done, he sorts the sideboard in his room (aka my kids playroom) to make space for his things, i cleaned floors and walls and lav and felt accomplished. he then made dinner.
all had been going ok, spending most of the time in his room playing his pc or the xbox. i wasnt happy about it, feel he should have tried to act as part of our family instead of trying to distance himself. but wtf do i know?
yesterday, i called paul to say that i wasnt feeling happy and wobbling in my sanity a bit when he just erupts into full "i've just had a phone call and it is more important than anything about you" and tells me how taz has called him, the school had called her as tyler isnt in his lesson. he was at his SATS exams and now was nowhere to be found. we agreed to sit on it until dinner time (coley steaks with citrus and olive rub cooked with sweetcorn peas and carrots and served with noodles - havent been shopping so now getting inventive!) but as i pull up to pick him up, he is with a teacher who informs me that tyler had skipped last lesson and they needed to know where he was and that he was ok. paul in the mean time was speaking with tylers head of house, who is basically at his wits end, and i think completly bored of dealing with him. tyler down played that he bunked of lessons, was in enough shit and basically bullshitted. his school bag was *left on a bus on friday* but i think is complete bollox, but not looking like we are going to get the truth from that one either!! ggggrrrrrr
when paul got in he challenged him again, after the last bollocking he got for the being a git, getting suspended, stealing, ending up at ours, i said that he would be loosing his wages and working for nothing, after having them cut by a £5. he also lost his puter, so he has nothing to do in his room at all. he has now mixed with the other, played with all the kids last night, getting beau breakfast this morning and playing princes and princesses with her (he is 14 the end of the month and she is 3 next month!) and generally fussing over her.
this morning he informs us he doesnt have a spare uniform to the one that has just gone in the machine!!! aarrrgghhhh now i'm fuming and he has managed to do it BEFORE 8am!!
lies, theiving, bunking lessons, gobbing off, ignoring everything, i know tis all typical teenage behaviour. why am i having to deal with it from someone who isnt my kid? the idea was in january, that we - paul taz and me - work together, he doesnt get to play us off and she already kept the money thing to herself. the job that was created to help him pay off his mother he has already *forgotten* one sat'd and gone over to stay at his mates and *left his phone on the side with no credit* the bill has gone up from £300 to nearly £600 and he still thinks he can mess everyone about.
i'm bored of this and fecking miserably.
anyways, the excluded day goes without hitch, get loads of cleaning done, he sorts the sideboard in his room (aka my kids playroom) to make space for his things, i cleaned floors and walls and lav and felt accomplished. he then made dinner.
all had been going ok, spending most of the time in his room playing his pc or the xbox. i wasnt happy about it, feel he should have tried to act as part of our family instead of trying to distance himself. but wtf do i know?
yesterday, i called paul to say that i wasnt feeling happy and wobbling in my sanity a bit when he just erupts into full "i've just had a phone call and it is more important than anything about you" and tells me how taz has called him, the school had called her as tyler isnt in his lesson. he was at his SATS exams and now was nowhere to be found. we agreed to sit on it until dinner time (coley steaks with citrus and olive rub cooked with sweetcorn peas and carrots and served with noodles - havent been shopping so now getting inventive!) but as i pull up to pick him up, he is with a teacher who informs me that tyler had skipped last lesson and they needed to know where he was and that he was ok. paul in the mean time was speaking with tylers head of house, who is basically at his wits end, and i think completly bored of dealing with him. tyler down played that he bunked of lessons, was in enough shit and basically bullshitted. his school bag was *left on a bus on friday* but i think is complete bollox, but not looking like we are going to get the truth from that one either!! ggggrrrrrr
when paul got in he challenged him again, after the last bollocking he got for the being a git, getting suspended, stealing, ending up at ours, i said that he would be loosing his wages and working for nothing, after having them cut by a £5. he also lost his puter, so he has nothing to do in his room at all. he has now mixed with the other, played with all the kids last night, getting beau breakfast this morning and playing princes and princesses with her (he is 14 the end of the month and she is 3 next month!) and generally fussing over her.
this morning he informs us he doesnt have a spare uniform to the one that has just gone in the machine!!! aarrrgghhhh now i'm fuming and he has managed to do it BEFORE 8am!!
lies, theiving, bunking lessons, gobbing off, ignoring everything, i know tis all typical teenage behaviour. why am i having to deal with it from someone who isnt my kid? the idea was in january, that we - paul taz and me - work together, he doesnt get to play us off and she already kept the money thing to herself. the job that was created to help him pay off his mother he has already *forgotten* one sat'd and gone over to stay at his mates and *left his phone on the side with no credit* the bill has gone up from £300 to nearly £600 and he still thinks he can mess everyone about.
i'm bored of this and fecking miserably.
Wednesday, 7 May 2008
black birds
i was informed this morning that lady black birds are actually brown, i did know this, in fact i was the one who taught him that. humph.
anyways, i was then asked about blackbird weddings, which, i have to say, i am not well versed on bird marriages in general. when i said i didnt know what happened when a man and a woman blackbird got married, i was told that i dont know much about birds do i???? not about their wedding rituals i dont, no. i dont know about whether they have other birds as bridesmaid or what gifts get brought, though i suspect it is mostly worms.
he and chase proceeded to look through a couple of book of birds we have, looking for why they are called blackbirds and if there were any hints on weddings.
need to dry hair to look fantastic for the school gate!
pmsl
anyways, i was then asked about blackbird weddings, which, i have to say, i am not well versed on bird marriages in general. when i said i didnt know what happened when a man and a woman blackbird got married, i was told that i dont know much about birds do i???? not about their wedding rituals i dont, no. i dont know about whether they have other birds as bridesmaid or what gifts get brought, though i suspect it is mostly worms.
he and chase proceeded to look through a couple of book of birds we have, looking for why they are called blackbirds and if there were any hints on weddings.
need to dry hair to look fantastic for the school gate!
pmsl
Tuesday, 6 May 2008
work of the week
this morning i have just spent the last 2 1.2 hours at the school as 2 of my schoolies had work of the week (basically they worked the hardest in their classes last week and got rewarded with a certificate and the embarrassment of having your parents and the rest of the school know that you worked the hardest last week). in chases one her friend charlotte also got work of the week and i was chatting her mum before, during and after. then saw gregs stepdad (also a mate of mine from school) at the gate and gave him a quick bit of goss i heard about an old school mate of both of ours. then back to the other building for edens work of the week and also bonnie got it too, so i sat with her mum and chatted about life, the universe and yetti before during and after too!
been driving my new car this morning, a 3.3 l petrol chrystlar voyager which i'm not sure i like now so concidering putting up on ebay, even just to recoup my dosh and get something else. i dunno, i'm so fickle!
bank holiday weekend was spent, friday, bonnie stayed over, sat'd edz was a brat and sent to bed early, sunday i was in agony with my stomach between hiatus hernia and ibs, i felt like i was digesting fire, monday paul worked the morning and the afternoon was spent with toni and her new fella john aka jackie as he is a lad ;o)
i'm still waiting to hear from the solicitor about the will, not recieved that yet, which has slightly annoyed me, but kevin does these things to piss me off, the selfish wanka.
tyler is still here. pleasing himself for the most part, but who am i to tell him differently? he is now doing reading daily with chase whilst he is here and doing chores when i tell him, usually badly, but again who am i to tell him differently? no-one important. something that once more is made startlingly clear. i have tried to make him welcome and comfortable, but he is still allowed to do what he likes when he likes. he chooses to stay in his room and remain insulatated from the rest of us. i'm sure in years to come, something else i'll get the blame for. paul wont see it, purely because he doesnt see what is wrong with him keeping himself away from us. maybe he wouldnt be so controlling and manipulative if he was made to do what the rest of us do.
my washing line awaits my washing, the machine awaits the next load and my sink awaits being cleaned.
dont say i dont know how to live!!
been driving my new car this morning, a 3.3 l petrol chrystlar voyager which i'm not sure i like now so concidering putting up on ebay, even just to recoup my dosh and get something else. i dunno, i'm so fickle!
bank holiday weekend was spent, friday, bonnie stayed over, sat'd edz was a brat and sent to bed early, sunday i was in agony with my stomach between hiatus hernia and ibs, i felt like i was digesting fire, monday paul worked the morning and the afternoon was spent with toni and her new fella john aka jackie as he is a lad ;o)
i'm still waiting to hear from the solicitor about the will, not recieved that yet, which has slightly annoyed me, but kevin does these things to piss me off, the selfish wanka.
tyler is still here. pleasing himself for the most part, but who am i to tell him differently? he is now doing reading daily with chase whilst he is here and doing chores when i tell him, usually badly, but again who am i to tell him differently? no-one important. something that once more is made startlingly clear. i have tried to make him welcome and comfortable, but he is still allowed to do what he likes when he likes. he chooses to stay in his room and remain insulatated from the rest of us. i'm sure in years to come, something else i'll get the blame for. paul wont see it, purely because he doesnt see what is wrong with him keeping himself away from us. maybe he wouldnt be so controlling and manipulative if he was made to do what the rest of us do.
my washing line awaits my washing, the machine awaits the next load and my sink awaits being cleaned.
dont say i dont know how to live!!
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